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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27273313">Deliverance</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgeesn/pseuds/hedgeesn'>hedgeesn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Little Witch Academia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Diana Needs A Hug, Diana is emotionally constipated, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Like SUPER unreliable narrator, Neurodiversity, Recreational Drug Use, Unreliable Narrator</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:09:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,947</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27273313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgeesn/pseuds/hedgeesn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Diana Cavendish was not meant to falter. Stoicism was habit, and she focused her entire being on her family and the pursuit of her education. Hit with a sudden onset of panic attacks, she has to find her own solution to staying afloat. And not form a codependency on cuddling with a beautiful, bubbly brunette.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari, Hannah England/Barbara Parker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>239</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Dissonance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I went to write fluff and instead produced SO MUCH angst on accident because Diana is such a repressed little creature. Before I knew it the angst train had left the station without brakes. Disclaimer: Remember folks, medicinal drug use should be used in conjunction with a treatment plan, not as a substitute for one. Don't be a dummy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rows of bookshelves had always been a vast universe to Diana. A refuge of her own, countless pages to explore, always another to begin where one ended. A solid and grounded excuse from meaningless interactions, something to fall back into when her emotions threatened to surface. She knew how to use a text like her personal weapon, for success, for knowledge, to manipulate herself back to peace and calm. There was nothing to be feared there, and a nest of her own had to be elegantly draped in them to feel like home. </p><p>But today, inexplicably, they felt confining. The pages trembled before her where just a minute ago they were sturdily bound. She had just been sitting at her desk studying, surrounded by her bookshelves, the stacks on her desk. The shelving mounted on the walls above her bed had to be added in the past year to contain the extra pages. Every text in the last few years of school, everything of interest she had read or wanted to read collected from wall to wall. It was the only extravagance she allowed herself now. Though neatly organized and always paired with clean floors and an expertly made bed, an outsider may mistake it for cluttered.</p><p>The den she had dutifully built to stabilize herself the past few years just felt small today. A midterm exam in her second to last semester lay at the end of the week, and despite her usual confidence and calm, one glance at the calendar in front of her as she turned a page shattered it all.</p><p>Nothing had seemed out of place, but Diana realized it was her fingers trembling, not the book. A slow tremor that creeped to stubborn fingers going white as she tried to hold on, threatening to rip the edge of the page. A crawling in her gut, demanding purgation. Her heartbeat suddenly audible and thrumming through her ears. The sweater she had on with the mild fall weather feeling like a parka in the desert.</p><p>Diana scrambled to take off the sweater and threw it on the floor. The action itself only seemed to increase the heat as she stared in horror at the minor infraction of clothes left out of place and not folded neatly on the dresser. Her heartbeat increased as she slid out of the chair with a thump and a decided lack of grace. Sitting, her vision blurred as she held her chest to put pressure on the sudden pain there, gripping one knee with white knuckles as she labored to breathe.</p><p>And her mind, stuck on the walls closing in on her, wondered if she would be following her mother to an early grave. Whenever it would end, but it wasn’t ending. She pulled her knees to her chest with a sob as the pressure in her ears passed through in echoing waves. She couldn’t register the light tapping at her door, through the throbbing, couldn’t see the door open from where it had been left slightly ajar.<br/><br/>She felt at some point pressure on her shoulders, and slowly came to register the sounds of voices. They came into her senses like strangers, but gained familiarity as they overlapped. The dissonance between her mind and reality faded as she focused on one of the voices.<br/><br/>“Diana!”</p><p>Blinking away tears that pricked at her eyes but failed to release, she made out hazel eyes, a gathered brow, and auburn hair. Hannah knelt before her, hands on her shoulders, pressing down like weights. Standing behind her, running frazzled hands through dark hair, and casting her an unsettled look was Barbara.</p><p>“Diana, are you ok? We’ve been calling you.” Hannah shook her. Diana’s mouth was dry but she gathered herself, licking her lips that had gone raw with worry.</p><p>“I… Yes Hannah, I’m fine.” She felt like it could be true. She had lived, it had passed, but the tremors still passed through her hands despite her efforts to hold them still. But her roommates looked entirely unconvinced.<br/><br/>“I just came to borrow a pen but you were… What was happening?” Hannah’s frown only grew deeper.<br/><br/>“I had some momentary chest pain, but I’m quite alright now.” Diana shrugged the hands off her shoulders and stood on shaky legs, straightening the camisole that had been sitting under her sweater. A chill was starting to take place, like the aftermath of a heavy fever “I really need to get back to studying now.” She turned towards her desk as her roommates cast dubious glances at her. Opening a drawer, she reached for her spare pens. Barbara spoke softly, hesitantly.<br/><br/>“Diana, I think you were having a panic attack.” </p><p>Diana dropped the pen she was holding back into the drawer. She felt a hand briefly alight on her shoulder once more, then pulling away in reconsideration.<br/><br/></p><p>“Has this happened before?” Hannah asked. She couldn’t bear to turn back around to face them, opting instead to gather herself.<br/><br/>“No… But I’m sure it’s nothing, girls.” Diana could feel the lie, knowing that she had never sounded so unconvincing in her life. </p><p>“Diana, maybe you should talk to someone? That looked really… It was really…” Hannah trailed off. Diana retrieved the pen, gripping it hard and willing herself to still. She squared her shoulders and turned.<br/><br/>“I assure you, I’m fine. It’s nothing, girls.” Diana handed the pen to Hannah, avoided her eyes with what she hoped appeared as casual dismissal. A glance at Barbara told her she didn’t pull it off. The girls lingered, willing themselves to say something else, but Diana was turning back to her desk. The faltering of their normally resistant leader was so unlikely that they questioned what they had seen themselves.</p><p>Since their days in middle school together, Diana had always been strong and steadfast. Hannah and Barbara had remained in awe of her since then, and though they knew they had slowly gotten closer to her, had truly become friends with her as time passed, they had never experienced such a complete loss of control. Sure, there were times where Diana’s stress or frustration bubbled to the surface, but they could always soothe their friend with tea and reserved company. </p><p>By university they had grown closer than ever, knowing their friend inside and out. Gone was the pedestal they had placed her on, but that didn’t mean that Diana ever wavered. Not like this. Their last year in university together was stressful, of course, with Diana on a premed track while dealing with the pressures of her family’s business and legacy. She wasn’t ready to take over yet, but it loomed over her head as she got ever closer to finishing her studies.</p><p>It was disconcerting. A thought that had never crossed their mind. And perhaps they weren’t enough to help. Not knowing how to approach the situation, they drifted. Passing each other a glance, they decided to regroup later, throwing a last thin attempt out in the heavy gap lying between Diana and them.</p><p>“We’re here, you know?” Barbara whispered, watching as Diana fiddled with a book on her desk. In their experience, pushing had never been successful with their friend, especially not when trying to get her to talk about her emotions. They knew intimately how flawed Diana really was - always successful and gathered on the outside, of course. But rarely did she speak to them until after she had processed on her own time, usually some time after she had reached a resolution.</p><p>Her friends backed out of the room and Diana heard her door shut. Instead of sitting back at the desk, she trundled on heavy legs to her bed. Pulling out her hair tie and letting her sweaty blond locks free, she laid on top of the covers, exhausted. The ordeal itself had left her feeling like she had run miles, and she was no closer to wrapping her head around the event.</p><p>She had lied to her friends. With good intentions, so they didn’t have to worry about her. She was supposed to be the stable one, the one with logical advice that her friends could come to when they needed support. The one in the Cavendish family who was going to bring their legacy back. </p><p>It wasn’t the first time she had felt this. The first time, at the beginning of the semester, when that weight suddenly crashed down on her, she had considered going to the hospital. She really thought that perhaps she was going to die. She knew now that it wasn’t the case, already having drawn the conclusion that Barbara had, recognizing the symptoms after she had carefully written them down, confident in her academic abilities to discern the cause of her sudden affliction.</p><p>It was not the second time either. That had happened after the first project of the semester was assigned and her group had of course ditched her to party, knowing that the Cavendish heir would complete it on her own. She had so much more to lose than them, and her best efforts produced a more than satisfactory grade. But satisfactory wasn’t enough, and the hours she had lost to this maddening feeling couldn’t be gained back.</p><p>The third time, some time after receiving that B grade back, she looked at the planned projects and assignments for the rest of the semester, desperately trying to calculate the exact results she needed to maintain her excellent status. And that time it felt like suffocation, coming to with blood under her nails where she had scratched herself. A little bit of makeup and sweaters with the convenient approach of fall hid that easily.</p><p>This was the fourth time, and she didn’t know how long the walls had been closing in on her. </p><p>Diana stared at the ceiling, the room growing dim as night came and her desk lamp became the only source of light in the room. Talking to a therapist was out of the question. It wasn’t suitable for a Cavendish. Who knew what her aunt would do if she found out that Diana was weak. Logically Diana knew psychiatry was legitimate, but the thought of pills, of pursuing a treatment made the affliction feel too real, too physical.</p><p>She had to chase those thoughts out of her mind and remain steadfast. </p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Diana willed her hands still once more as stared at the page in front of her. </p><p>Her midterm grade was barely satisfactory. She stood outside the lecture hall, long after the other students had faded into the distance, clutching the infuriating proof of her failure. Despite her efforts to regain her composure, her studying the past few days had remained ineffective. She had avoided her roommates, taking meals in her room or heading to the library, trying to focus. But her mind kept wandering to her fears and as soon as she thought of the incident she lost any ability to get back to her studies, anticipating that clammy grip to come back full force.</p><p>“Yo, Cavendish!” A brash voice, a bit husky, called out to her. Peering over her paper, she frowned in irritation at the red-haired woman approaching her. </p><p>Amanda O’Neill was one of the few people out there that could make her drop her mask in just about any circumstance. Her personality was vexing at best, and Diana had the displeasure of attending high school with her. They were on different tracks in college, but somehow Amanda still went out of her way to bother her. Almost as if they were friends, though Diana would never give her the satisfaction of admitting that. Two friends was enough, and Amanda’s personality required much more patience than a few people put together normally needed.</p><p>“What do you want, O’Neill?” Diana grated it out like she wanted to put that name through a grinder.</p><p>“Just saw you hanging out over here, looking all upset. Is the stick up your ass just that much larger today? Moving up a size?”  Diana tried to cast her an unimpressed look but it morphed into a scowl.</p><p>“Yikes, that’s a look. Chill out.” Amanda held her hands up in surrender. She wasn’t unfamiliar with Diana’s moodiness, but normally she could take a few more verbal jabs before she felt Diana’s patience snap.</p><p>Diana sighed and lowered her exam paper. Amanda leaned forward to peek at it as Diana realized her mistake and sharply pulled the paper back towards her.<br/><br/>“Oof. No wonder. Normally I’d revel in Cavendish being taken down a notch…” Amanda paused, resting a hand on the back of her head as she reconsidered her tactics. She huffed. “Let’s take a walk, huh?” She grabbed Diana’s elbow and guided her in the direction of the path away from the lecture halls, back to the parking lot. Diana fussed a little before giving in, both of them aware that Diana had no more classes that day.</p><p>Amanda and Diana fell parallel together as they walked, silence looming over them. Diana was more than grateful that Amanda seemed to be giving her a break today, but they didn’t exactly have a relationship of comfortable silence. Amanda was the one to break it.</p><p>“I know I’m not, like, someone you would normally talk to. If you even do talk to anyone about stuff. I can’t imagine you telling your minions feely-type things.” Diana cast her a withering glance and Amanda held up her hands again. “Easy! Sorry. Uh, but what’s up with you?”</p><p>Diana scoffed, running a hand through her hair. She still held the exam in her other hand, and as she looked at the grade again she sighed.</p><p>“I’ve just been distracted lately.” </p><p>“Right. I’ve never seen you ‘distracted’ like this.” Amanda held her fingers in air quotes, lingering in the air. </p><p>“I’ve been dealing with something.” Diana tried to say it airily, but it came in heavy.</p><p>“You can cut the bullshit. Your whole act doesn’t fool me Cavendish, we’ve established that. Like, years ago.” Amanda laughed harshly. The words had no bite behind them, though.</p><p>They reached the parking lot, emptying as most of the sessions for the day ended. Diana stood still at the curb, Amanda pausing a step in front of her. Amanda’s motorcycle was close in sight, parked away from the bulk of the cars. The red sports bike clashed with the slightly more orange tint of her hair. A sleek black helmet hung haphazardly off the handlebars.</p><p>Diana sighed.<br/><br/>“I’ve been having some issues with… relaxing.” She admitted. She looked away from Amanda, into the lot. It was easier to admit without looking at her eyes. </p><p>“I see, huh…” Out of the corner of her eye she could see Amanda shifting her weight as she considered, looking at Diana. It felt like her green eyes could pierce through the hair Diana had hoped was covering her face.</p><p>“Look, we all get… like that.” Amanda danced around the words, agilely avoiding any accusation. “Ever do anything to help with that?”</p><p>“Like what?” Diana looked at her with a confused frown. Amanda nodded to herself and pulled out her phone.<br/><br/>“I’m going to send you a contact. Maybe give it a shot?” She typed a moment then paused, lowering her phone. “My friend grows. I dunno, sometimes it helps or whatever.”</p><p>Diana felt her phone buzz in her bag. Amanda dismissed her with a weak wave.<br/><br/>“See ya, Cavendish. Take care of yourself.” Diana watched her stride off, the irritating confidence returning to her stride as she approached her bike. Diana walked through the parking lot towards her silver sedan, taking a moment once inside to check her phone. The interaction was weird enough, but she hadn’t the slightest clue what Amanda had meant.</p><p>The message clarified it as Diana’s eyes widened. A contact icon in their message thread, which primarily contained idle texts about a shared general education class they had the semester before. </p><p><em> Get Yourself Some Weed </em> she had labeled it.<br/><br/>Diana scoffed and tossed her phone to the passenger seat. </p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>She hadn’t considered it. Diana let a few weeks pass, the frequency of her ‘moments’ as she called them increasing slightly in frequency. Most only seemed to last a few minutes, but the exhaustion following was leaving her fatigued during the day, keeping her from focusing entirely on her lessons.</p><p>She continued on, picking herself back up with poise, maintaining her few interactions with her roommates under the guise of being extraordinarily busy. It was their last year, after all, and between their curriculums, with Barbara pursuing English studies and Hannah’s business program, Diana managed to keep up that appearance for some time.</p><p>Until they came home to find Diana in the kitchen, sitting on the floor with a spilled mug of tea. She didn’t hear the door shut behind them, focused on the liquid on the floor that had grown cold a few minutes ago, but she hadn’t quite brought herself to clean up yet. It pooled on the floor, seeping into a flaw in the cheap laminate of their apartment chosen for proximity to campus, not for luxury. They wandered in, and Diana looked up as Barbara set her bag on the dining table. One that they hadn’t sat at together in a few months now.</p><p>She scrambled to her feet, searching for a towel. Hannah hung on the edge of the kitchen, watching Diana in concern. Barbara approached her.</p><p>“Are you ok? We’re starting to get…” Barbara looked back at Hannah briefly. “Worried.” She turned back to Diana who fiddled with the drawer to their kitchen towels. The nervous habit of hiding herself behind a task was easily seen through.<br/><br/>“I promise, I’m handling it.” Barbara gave her a doubtful look. Diana looked up into her eyes, urging belief. “Really. I have a… contact. I’ll call them.” </p><p>Barbara reached for a towel in the drawer Diana had opened, pushing it closed after.<br/><br/>“How about we take care of this and brew you another tea, ok?” Diana nodded numbly, moving aside as Barbara ushered her out of the way. </p><p>“Go rest in your room. We’ve got this.” Diana gracefully accepted, retreating back to her room. Closing the door behind her, she leaned against it and slid down to sit on the floor, finding some relief in the cool wood behind her head.<br/><br/></p><p>The contact wasn’t the kind that they were expecting, of course. And probably not one that they would approve of. </p><p>But Diana didn’t have the time to deal with therapy. She was much too busy, and certainly didn’t need medications. She surely didn’t have a disorder, just a few bad days once in a while. As Amanda said, she just needed a little help relaxing. Without permanent side effects, she reasoned.</p><p>She had done her due diligence in the time since receiving the contact. Every time she shoved the idea to the side, but it didn’t stop her from looking. Diana loved qualitative information more than anything, and she at least had some hard data on relieving ‘anxieties,’ though she was loath to admit that anxiety was the term for it. </p><p>Something had to be done, and Diana wanted it dealt with. So she sent a text to the contact she had received before Barbara knocked on her door with another mug of tea.</p><p>
  <em> I had received your contact from a friend. May I make a purchase? </em>
</p><p>Diana wasn’t familiar with the etiquette, and though the activity was certainly legal now, she didn’t know if admitting the source she had gotten the number from was advisable. As she settled back to her desk with a fresh mug of tea, thanking Barbara and giving her one last assurance that she was going to be fine, she had already gotten a message back with a price and an address.<br/><br/><br/><br/></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Purgation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Diana stood before the right side of a duplex a few blocks away from her own apartment, another run down college rental that could use more than just a fresh coat of paint. The roof of the porch had a few obvious leaks, leaving the steps damp. A beaten wood hanging swing was to the left side of the door. Diana looked at the rust eyelets bolting it to the ceiling dubiously as she walked up to the door.</p><p>She was eager to get out of the drizzle, but apprehensive about the encounter. In a way so highly unlike her, fueled by the anxiety of saying the wrong thing, she hadn’t asked for more than a time to meet. The location itself made her feel somewhat better, knowing that if they were students like Amanda it was more likely to be people she knew well enough.</p><p>A part of her wanted to keep this secret from her roommates, so despite her better judgement Diana neglected to tell them where she was going. A small taser in her coat was an afterthought, but she hadn’t handled it past pulling it out of the box and glancing at the manual a few years before. In a jolt of fresh anxiety she wondered if the battery would be depleted from its first charge. Would it even work at all?</p><p>She was broken out of her worry by the front door opening in front of her. She hadn’t even brought herself to raising her hand to the doorbell yet, and she startled back a step, feeling a few drips from the porch hit her forehead.</p><p>A young woman with a baggy hoodie stared at her a moment before turning her head to call back into the house. </p><p>“Akko, someone’s here.” Turning back to the threshold she threw her hood up over her mauve hair and shouldered past Diana down the steps. Momentarily rattled, Diana watched her plod down the steps and into the wet fall weather. She heard thumping in the house and tried to resist the urge to peek past the open door.</p><p>Another young woman slid into her view, socks maintaining a slide on hardwood as she clumsily grabbed the door to stop her momentum, barely managing to keep it and herself from crashing into the wall. Gathering herself she brushed brunette hair out of her eyes, a shy grin plastered to her face.</p><p>“Hey! UH!” The girl peered at her curiously, bright red eyes startling Diana with intensity. “Whoa, you’re Diana, right? We had that gen-ed composition course together like, freshman year?”<br/><br/>Diana frowned, then realized she did recognize the girl. Always late to their class, always dumping out a messy bag in search of a pen, leaving empty gum and candy wrappers on the floor in her haste to collect herself under Finnelan’s eye. Certainly remembered glaring at her for interrupting the course from across the room on more than one occasion, and Barbara whispering complaints about her brusque loudness as they walked away from class.</p><p>“Um. Atsuko, wasn’t it?” Diana tried to maintain some decorum as she stood on the stoop of her would-be drug dealer, one that she had been guilty of making snide remarks at on more than one occasion. The girl tilted her head at her.</p><p>“You can call me Akko. Uh, yeah, come in. Can you take your boots off?” </p><p>Hesitating for a moment, Diana complied and unlaced her boots as Akko stepped back from the door. Akko closed the door behind her after Diana set her boots to the side. She waved to the coat rack behind the door. </p><p>“You can throw your jacket there. When Amanda said she gave my number out I wasn’t really expecting… Well, you.” To be fair Diana didn’t expect Akko either as she shrugged out of her pea coat. She had vaguely remembered seeing her and Amanda out of class together. There was a mix of an awkward air between them and the internal relief that it was Akko’s house she walked into and not someone else’s. Better a harmless dolt than men she didn’t know.</p><p>Akko bounded for the kitchen, doing a short slide to stop at the counter. The house was a bit cool and Diana shivered without her coat, following her. How Akko was prancing around in a pair of thin booty shorts was beyond her. Diana tried hard to drag her eyes away from her very distracting shorts, watching Akko reach for a large black jar on the counter.</p><p>“Do you know how much you want? Sucy’s stuff is a little more expensive than most, but to be fair she grows some really good bud.”</p><p>Diana tucked a hair behind her ear, feeling her face heat up a bit as she realized she didn’t know how much was normal.</p><p>“Um, I’m not really sure. What do people usually get?”</p><p>Akko looked at her quizzically as she fiddled with a kitchen scale.<br/><br/>“Are you getting this for like a party or something?”</p><p>Diana shook her head.</p><p>“No, just-... just for myself.” </p><p>“Oh, alright. Like what’s your tolerance level? Can’t imagine you’re a heavy smoker.”</p><p>Diana didn’t answer, worrying at her lip as she tried to figure out what to say. Akko’s hands stilled on the lid of the jar.</p><p>“Diana, have you had this before, like at all?” Diana avoided her gaze, looking down.</p><p>“No, uh, not really.”</p><p>“Do you want to try it first? Cause it doesn’t seem to really be your thing.” Akko fiddled with the jar’s lid in front of her.<br/><br/>“You don’t know that.” Diana frowned. She was being petty, she knew, but she couldn’t help the frustration building. Akko chuckled and gave her a lopsided smile.<br/><br/>“I guess not, huh? I mean if you don’t have anything to do for a bit, the offer’s open. It may or may not be for you.” Akko’s even tone had a little hesitance to it.<br/><br/>“Are you supposed to uh, sample your ‘product’ out?” </p><p>“We don’t really sell to people who aren’t friends, so… I don’t know?” Diana felt her lips quirk up. She wasn’t sure why she was even considering it, but the thought of trying it alone with no idea what she was doing was less appealing than staying. She hadn’t even decided where she could safely smoke it without her roommates finding out, much less a method.</p><p>“If you really don’t mind…”</p><p>“No! Of course not. Hold on let me get…” Akko considered her a moment, then grinned mischievously. “I’ll take mercy on you. We’ll have an ice bong.” Diana raised an eyebrow at that but couldn’t help her curiosity.</p><p>“How is that mercy, exactly?”</p><p>Akko moved through the kitchen and pulled a glass instrument from the sink.<br/><br/>“You like, put ice in it and it makes the smoke cold. Kinda makes it less harsh to go down.”</p><p>Diana hadn’t really thought about what ‘harsh’ meant, but let it go as Akko puttered with some things in front of her that she couldn’t identify. Akko glanced up at her and raised a hand to shoo Diana out of the kitchen. “Go sit down in the living room, straight from the front door. Couch is super comfy.”<br/><br/>Diana obliged, walking uncertainly into a cluttered living room. There was a large coffee table majorly claimed by papers and textbooks in front of a battered leather sectional. Diana scooted around the sectional, a little big for the living room, to sit down daintily on the edge, feeling herself sink just a little too much into the couch. It was a little too engulfing and she maintained a perch on the edge. A midsized tv sat on a generic stand that probably came ready-to-assemble. She could see some of the laminate peeling off the side. The tv was paused in the middle of a trashy reality show, one that seemed to be primarily beautiful people around sitting in a large house with few clothes on.</p><p>She was nervously shaking her leg when Akko came into the room and fell into the couch next to her. With the added weight she had no choice as she sunk into the couch as well. Despite the size of the couch, which could easily fit half a dozen people with both pieces, Akko had sat close to her. She leaned in, bare knees grazing Diana’s jeans.</p><p>“So I can show you this and we can watch a movie or something. Sucy and Lotte are going to be out for a while - those are my roommates.” </p><p>“A movie? How long does this last for?” Diana wasn’t sure about spending the length of a whole movie here, already feeling ten times as awkward at the sudden closeness on the couch.</p><p>“Like an hour or so? Depends. Some people don’t even get high the first time.” Akko chuckled and the corners of her bright eyes wrinkled. “We’ll give it our best shot, yeah? I believe in you.” She said it with such conviction, Diana couldn’t help but feel a little bewitched. Akko showed her the workings of the glass piece, ice cubes resting in the neck, and pulling the bowl out to fill with green matter from a metal grinder she had set before them.</p><p>“Sucy’s stuff is high in CBD so it’s really good for anxiety.”</p><p>“I didn’t say I was anxious.” Diana protested, biting a little too much with her tone. She winced as it came out a little more defensive than intended. Akko ignored it.</p><p>“Didn’t say you did.” When their eyes met Diana knew Akko was unconvinced, but protesting further seemed futile when those piercing eyes laid into her. She held the piece out to Diana, who didn’t take it even though Akko had mimed a demonstration of its use already. She was still hesitant to cross the line. Akko pulled it back and seemed content to wait until Diana was ready, reaching for a remote. She blanched as she realized what was on the screen.<br/><br/>“Oh jeeze. Uh, I don’t <em> always </em> watch this kind of stuff. Trashy tv is fun sometimes.” She glanced at Diana, weighing if she was convincing enough and pink tinged her ears. Diana wanted to move her hair back to reveal more of the color, but focused on the obstacle in front of her. She reached for it and a lighter, noticing how cold the glass was on her fingers.</p><p>Akko gave her an encouraging smile as Diana mimicked the motions she had done before failing once by burning the tip of her thumb with the lighter. Akko’s hand brushed in hers to take the lighter for her and Diana tried not to look at her as she assisted, breathing in deeply from the neck and hearing bubbles in the base. It felt cool on her throat and she focused on that sensation for a moment until Akko quickly moved in front of her and pulled the stem out. Diana was suddenly hit by a coughing fit, shoving it away from her while fighting nausea rising in her throat.<br/><br/>“Ahhh that might be a little much,” Akko said frantically as she patted Diana’s back. “Shoot, I should have brought you water.” She grabbed a sports bottle from a red backpack laying next to the coffee table, pulling up the stopper. Diana took it swiftly, ignoring that it was probably Akko’s as she drank deeply and pulled away coughing again. Her eyes were watering and she had a heady feeling. She examined the bottle in her hands as she listened to Akko take a pull from the bong herself. Luna Nova track and field. She hadn’t been aware that Akko was on a sports team, but it made sense with her fit legs that Diana was definitely not thinking about.</p><p>She cheeks heated up as her thoughts became a little more unhinged. She looked up at Akko with wide eyes, slowly blinking. Akko giggled as she leaned closer.<br/><br/>“Diana! You look high!” She had pride in her voice, and Diana felt a little pleasure, not unlike when she basked in her Mother’s attention while holding the trophy to her elementary school spelling bee. Akko’s hand found hers on the couch and pulled Diana into her for a hug. </p><p>She could count the few fleeting hugs she had shared with her closest friends on her fingers. Even then, those were brief, and she had held herself stiffly as they pressed into her. But this felt like melting. Akko’s body was clearly smaller than her, petite and thin, but soft and enveloping. Diana sank deeper into it, pressing her ear to Akko’s shoulder as another giggle erupted from her chest. Hearing Akko’s giggles were endearing enough, she admitted, but feeling it bubble through her slight frame was another experience entirely.<br/><br/>“How do you feel?” Akko asked softly, her breath brushing the hair over Diana’s ear. She relished in the feeling, her body heavy but her skin almost extra sensitive. Diana subtly tried to push the hair back so she could feel the breath ghosting closer, to feel it more intensely.</p><p>“I feel good…” She whispered into Akko’s neck, eyes closed against her. Akko nodded and grabbed the remote from beside her. Without evening questioning, Diana remained pressed into her. She felt the lingering threads of anxiety over the closeness, but the comfort of being held was too enticing to let go of. </p><p>“We’ll take a break and see how you feel. You can always have more. What’s your favorite Disney movie?” Akko’s voice, which she had once found annoying in both pitch and volume, had a different quality with Diana pressed close.</p><p>“<em> Fox and the Hound </em>.” Diana admitted. “But it always made me cry.”</p><p>“Oh awesome, let’s watch that! I’ll find it.”</p><p>Diana pulled away slightly to frown at her. Akko reached up and smoother the lines between her brow, lithe fingers letting up pressure as she stroked down to the tip of her nose, where she gave a tap. Diana was stuck between trying to cross her eyes to follow the finger and making an appalled expression, unsure if she was successful in the latter.</p><p>“I said it made me cry!”</p><p>“That’s a good thing! I cry all the time. It’s great.” </p><p>“Really?” Diana gave her a doubtful look. Crying was something she avoided heavily, and had mostly succeeded in her efforts since her mother’s death as a child. And no one had ever described the act as ‘great’ in her memory. Hannah and Barbara would cry on occasion, with Diana awkwardly standing by to pat their back, waiting patiently for the episodes to be over and done with.</p><p>“Yeah, like… just put a movie on like this and let it happen. It’s cathartic, yknow?” Diana mulled over the word but let Akko pull her back in as the movie started. “Pot, disney movie, and cuddles. Perfect cleansing activity.”</p><p>Diana was too far in to deny that the cuddling felt nice, or to argue the point. It was a good movie, after all. She settled into Akko’s shoulder as the movie’s studio intro started, getting drawn into the nostalgic fireworks and theme.</p><p>As they watched, Akko whispered comments into her ear, how much she loved a part, how cute this Tod was. Normally perturbed by incessant talking during a movie, Diana relaxed into the layers of Akko’s voice. Sometime in the middle Akko reached forward for the bong and Diana participated in another heady hit without evening registering her actions. She could hear Akko’s breath hitch in her throat at the iconic bear scene and she held her breath with the brunette’s, releasing like a sigh together. She felt tears roll down her face as she silently watched the end.</p><p>Akko held onto Diana tightly as her crying wracked her body with shudders. Coming out of her headiness, Diana watched her, shocked as Akko flat out sobbed and hiccupped over the movie.<br/><br/>“Pfft.” Diana couldn’t help but giggle at Akko still hiccuping as she tried to wipe her tears on her sleeve. Normally she didn’t know how to react, but there was nothing she could do to hold back at the ridiculous sight.</p><p>“Shut up! I know I’m an ugly crier.” Akko smacked at her playfully as Diana broke out into a hearty laugh that felt like relief. Tears of mirth threatened to fall as they giggled together, and Diana couldn’t help but disagree with the statement. Despite the red, swollen eyes, blotchy red spots painting her cheeks and nose which ran like a child’s, she couldn’t help but feel Akko was absolutely gorgeous.</p><p>They came back to clarity together, the weight lifting from Diana’s body and feeling lighter than when she first sat down on the couch. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she sat up straighter, looking awkwardly down at her hands. She bit her lip lightly as reality and the anxiety of overstaying her welcome set in.</p><p>“I should go soon…” </p><p>“Ah, right. I’m sure you’re busy… Do you feel better?” Akko looked at her curiously, hands fiddling with the end of her shorts. Diana gave her a shy smile, just a small quirk of the lips as she met her eyes.<br/><br/>“I really, really do. Thank you.”</p><p>“It’s no problem. You, uh… You can come again. I mean, if you want to. We can just watch a movie and chill. You don’t have to smoke alone.” Akko rambled a little bit, voice nervously pitching and frayed.</p><p>“I’d like that, actually. If that’s ok.”</p><p>“Oh, absolutely.” </p><p>They fumbled awkwardly, Akko helping Diana up from the couch and walking with her to the door. She watched Diana lace her boots back up at the threshold and handed her coat over. Diana stood for a moment on the doorstep, looking for something to say. Akko lunged forward suddenly, startling Diana as she was wrapped in another hug. The brunette stepped back from her shyly, pink tingeing her ears again.</p><p>“See you?” Diana nodded, her mouth feeling incredibly dry. She mumbled a goodbye and turned. She felt Akko watch her from the door a moment as she walked down the steps of the stoop, past the drips from the roof. She heard the door quietly close behind her, unlike all the times in class where the girl had slammed the lecture hall doors shut as she ran in late. </p><p>Diana’s head was up in the clouds as she walked the few blocks home, barely registering crossing her own threshold until she forgot to take off her damp coat. Her roommates were thankfully not present and she made a mug of tea before carrying it back to her room.</p><p>Instead of going directly back to her desk as usual, she flopped on her bed, grabbing a pillow. Flopping was not normally in her repertoire, but she had a burst of giddy energy that she didn’t quite know what to do with now that she was home.</p><p>She had smoked marijuana. She had cuddled with an almost stranger on her couch. Had shared her water bottle. <em> Had forgotten to pay her for the thing she came for. </em> </p><p>Diana cringed at the faux pas, thankfully overshadowing thoughts about the <em> cuddles </em>, which she had no idea how to process at the moment. The thought of physical contact like that was so alien that she shoved it off to the side of her head. She grabbed her phone quickly and started typing quickly, sending it off before she had a chance to change her mind.</p><p>
  <em> Thank you for today. I apologize, it seems I forgot to make the purchase I came for.  - Diana </em>
</p><p>Barely having enough time to bury her face back into her pillow, her phone vibrated with a response. Hesitating slightly, she unlocked her phone.</p><p>
  <em> Guess you’ll just have to come over again. :) - Akko </em>
</p><p>She read the message over and over again, her mind making its best effort to replay it in Akko’s voice. Eventually she had to get up and study, but she was content to just lay there with the pillow for a little while longer.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
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</p><p>Diana occupied herself with studying and a paper due for the next week, somehow managing to focus. The first week in a while without an episode, and Diana had started out rather chipper. Hannah and Barbara seemed to notice the change, and she could feel their relief as they ate takeout together for the first time in a while. She wasn’t ready to talk about it, and felt a little guilty hiding the fact that she did not, in fact, contact a therapist, and perhaps a little over the questionable nature of her replacement activity as well.</p><p>Her mood started to dip again nearing the end of the week as she dreaded another two papers due in just a few days and the tiny gnawing guilt over her lie compounded on the anxiety. Leaving the campus for the day, she made a decision. Ignoring the guilty and giving in to her whims, she sent a message to Akko, the first one since the day she spent with her. Within minutes she got the response she was anxiously waiting for, hands gripping the steering wheel of her car, idle in the lot and waiting for the defrost to settle. She instantly checked her phone, smiling at the message.</p><p>
  <em> I was wondering if you might be free for me to drop by. - Diana </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Of course!!! My roommates are here but you can totally come chill - Akko </em>
</p><p>It didn’t cross her mind to wait in the car a little bit or bide her time dropping off her car at home. She drove directly over to the little duplex, parking her car on the street overcrowded with student cars. This time she rang the bell and waited on the stoop. When the door opened it wasn’t a familiar brunette, but the girl with the mauve hair. Diana was taken aback as she realized she hadn’t registered that Akko had mentioned her roommates. Diana cleared her throat behind a prim fist.</p><p>“Hello. I’m here to see Akko.”</p><p>“Why? Weren’t you just here last week? Didn’t expect Cavendish to be a heavy toker.” Diana raised her eyebrows slightly but otherwise managed to keep her mask up.</p><p>“I happened to forget to make my purchase.”</p><p>“You were here half the afternoon and you forgot to buy the thing you came for.” Sucy stared her down, unmoving from the threshold, not opening the door any wider for her.</p><p>“Yes, well, as I said… It slipped my mind.”<br/><br/>“I bet.”</p><p>“Don’t be mean, let her in!” The soft voice was new, its owner somewhere farther in the house. Sucy groaned and stepped back from the door. Diana stepped in and started to unlace her boots, expecting the ritual already.</p><p>“Why are you taking your shoes off? Not going to be here long, I hope.” Diana’s irritation with the rude girl was growing, and she skipped answering the question as she slid off her boots.</p><p>“I… Where’s Akko, um…?”</p><p>“Sucy. We’ve had like, a million classes together.”</p><p>“Sorry, I’m just a little…”<br/><br/>“Have your head up your prissy ass? I know.”</p><p>“Sucy!” A small girl with ginger hair came from the kitchen to the right, hissing at her. She turned to Diana. “Hi! I’m Lotte. We’re Akko’s roommates.” Diana looked at Lotte in relief.</p><p>“Hello, I’m Diana.” She ignored the muttered “we know” from Sucy. </p><p>“Akko is in the shower, she should be down in a few minutes. She just got back from practice a bit ago - you can wait in the living room. Do you want some tea?” </p><p>“That would be lovely, thank you Lotte.” Diana shrugged off her coat as Sucy rolled her eyes and followed Lotte to the kitchen to sit in the dining nook on the other side. She heard Lotte scolding Sucy in a hushed voice, barely making out some of the words.</p><p>“Be a little more supportive, for Akko, please…” A small frown crossed her face and Diana dismissed it to perch on the edge of the couch again, cautious of sinking in ungracefully. She was aiming for a bit more poise this time. She peered into the hallway containing stairs on the other side of the wall from the kitchen, which she hadn’t noticed the last time she was at the house.</p><p>She fiddled with her phone for a few minutes until Lotte appeared from the kitchen with a steaming mug of tea. She set it down directly on the table, the wood already marred irreparably with rings.</p><p>“Thank you, Lotte. That was very kind.” Diana was well trained on pleasantries, at least when it came to reasonable people and not rude women with flashy dyed violet hair. It was unsurprising that Sucy was friends with Amanda.</p><p>Lotte sat on the couch with her own mug of tea, knees facing Diana and leaning in a little too eagerly.<br/>“So, what are you two going to do?” Diana raised a questioning brow at her. “I mean, watch a movie, hang out in her room. We can give you two some privacy if you’d like.” </p><p>Before Diana could respond they were alerted to stomping coming down the stairs. Akko took the stairs with speed, slipping a little on the wood in her short socks on the last step. She caught herself on the railing just in time. Slightly out of breath, wet hair creating damp spots on the shoulder of her loose white tee, and wearing another set of impossibly short athletic shorts, her face lit up as she saw her guest.</p><p>Diana’s breath was caught in her throat and she struggled to regain it as Akko approached. She glanced back at Lotte who was smiling at her, staring in a way that was just slightly disconcerting. Diana’s cheeks were already heating up for reasons unknown to her, and Lotte’s attention fueled the fire just a little more.</p><p>Akko collapsed into the couch next to her, pulling Diana into a hug and pressing damp hair against her cheek. She jolted back suddenly.<br/><br/>“Sorry! I got you wet!”</p><p>“Ugh!” Diana, slightly confused, looked back over the couch to see Sucy standing near the kitchen, arms crossed and rolling her eyes. The situation was a little more disconcerting with the odd combination of an audience she seemed to have today. She awkwardly turned back to Akko, avoiding Lotte’s gaze. </p><p>“That’s quite alright Akko. Um, are you sure you’re not busy?”<br/><br/>“No! Absolutely, positively, totally free for you.” She grabbed Diana’s hands. “I’ll get my stuff and we can watch a movie or something?” Diana nodded with relief as Akko got up and pranced towards the kitchen past Sucy. </p><p>“Don’t worry about us, we’re just working on a project in the dining room. We’ll be totally out of your hair. Have fun!” Lotte got up and followed Sucy into the kitchen. Diana could just barely hear that they were chatting in there, not audible enough to make out the words. She sat in stunned silence as she tried to wrap her head around the odd visit. She heard a squeal in the kitchen that sounded like Lotte and Akko came back out, glass piece in one hand, a small box in the other, and a spring in her step.</p><p>Akko flung herself back onto the couch and Diana fell back next to her with the momentum. She handed Diana the remote and busied herself with filling her grinder with pieces of flower from her box.</p><p>“What’s your favorite guilty pleasure movie?” Akko asked.</p><p>“Guilty pleasure?” Diana frowned at the inquiry. She watched Akko’s forearms as she twisted the metal grinder, trying to avoid looking at the damp spots on her shirt.</p><p>“Like, you like it even though others think it sucks.” </p><p>Diana bit her lip to think as she stared at the tv screen. She glanced over to find Akko paused in her task, watching her with slightly flushed cheeks and focused eyes. She wondered if the grinder took effort to use, though it didn’t seem Akko lacked the muscles if that were the case.</p><p>“<em> Flicka </em>.” Akko’s eyebrows drew together as she thought.</p><p>“Isn’t that a horse girl movie?” Diana felt the tips of her ears gaining heat as she looked a little guilty. “No, not a bad thing! You can be a horse girl. That’s fine with me. If that’s your guilty pleasure, let’s watch it!”</p><p>Diana entered it into the search bar, knowing already that it was on the streaming service. Not that she had watched it recently or anything. </p><p>“It’s not the worst movie, but it didn’t get much praise from critics…” Diana dutifully selected the movie’s page. Akko filled the bowl up and looked at her.<br/><br/>“Ohh, I thought it was a guilty pleasure movie because, like, horse girl phase or something. Was it that bad?”</p><p>“I didn’t have a horse girl phase!” Diana spouted, slightly indignant. Akko’s lopsided smile mollified her immediately. “It’s not that bad… It’s sweet.”<br/><br/>“I didn’t know you liked sweet things. Angsty <em> Fox and the Hound </em> made sense.”<br/><br/>“Are you calling me angsty?” Diana asked in mock anger. Akko’s banter somehow sat so well with her in contrast to girls like Sucy and Amanda. The girl’s bubbly personality made it impossible to take things personally. She wasn’t sure how she had possibly missed the brunette’s appeal before, though she didn’t recall that they had talked in freshman year during their brief class together. Akko giggled and held out the bong to Diana, who took it hesitantly and let it rest in her lap.</p><p>“No! Well, yes, a little. But it’s ok. Angst is a good look on you.” She eyed Diana’s lap. “Want me to light it again for you?” Diana flushed.<br/><br/>“If you could be so kind.”</p><p>“Diana, you don’t need to use fancy talk with me,” Akko teased. </p><p>Diana’s second time smoking went a lot smoother, with less coughing, as she smartly took a smaller hit to start and actually pulled the stem. She watched Akko place her mouth at the same opening, breath frosting the glass before smoke came billowing up. It embarrassed her to have Akko’s eyes on her while she was using the piece, but if Akko could look so <em> sensual </em> doing it, perhaps Diana didn’t look like a total dolt. With that thought in mind, she urged herself to take another as soon as Akko was done, eagerly placing her mouth to feel the fading warmth from the girl next to her. She came up with the slight taste of strawberry, idly wondering as her head clouded if it was the brunette’s chapstick.</p><p>Akko pulled her in close as they started the movie, though Diana fidgeted as her cold, damp hair touched her flushed cheeks. </p><p>“Oh, sorry! Here, lie down.” Akko pulled her down farther and Diana felt like she was freefalling, heavy but floating, until she felt the warm bare skin of Akko’s thighs. The petite woman smiled down at her and Diana’s face continued to heat up. She turned her face towards the screen, breathing shallowly with her cheek pressed into her leg. “Better?” Akko asked.</p><p>Diana nodded slightly, facing away. She held still, muscles wired, through the intro of the film. She wondered if Akko could feel how tense she was, lying there, despite her schooled expression.</p><p>“Hey, Di.” The soft voice and new nickname made Diana turn. Bright eyes stared down at her. “Can I play with your hair?”</p><p>“Yes, you may.” Diana breathed. She wasn’t sure if it was even audible, as she could barely get around the lump in her throat. The message seemed to be received, because as she turned over she felt Akko’s small hands stroke her hair for the first time. She knew her blonde locks were inconveniently fluffy, with enough curl and volume to make it difficult to brush through without the proper products. The brunette gently worked her way through the hair, imperceptibly loosening whatever knots there may be. The fingers reached Diana’s scalp and she couldn’t hold back a hum of contentment as her eyes slid halfway closed.</p><p>She floated through the first half of the movie, unable to register much through the sensations of Akko. From the light, pleasant scent of lavender soap, the buttery soft skin of her legs, and the hands dancing through her scalp, Diana sank. She was briefly broken from the enchantment as Lotte came into the room. Akko paused the movie with a muttered apology, hands stilling on Diana’s head.</p><p>“I’m so sorry to interrupt…” Lotte truly did sound sorry there, for some reason. “We’re going to order takeout from the bento shop? Do you two want some?” Akko looked down at Diana, who turned over in her lap to look at Lotte leaning over the back of the couch with a soft smile.<br/><br/>“Do you like Japanese, Diana?”<br/><br/>“I do.” </p><p>“Great. Yeah, Lotte, get us some bentos.” Lotte nodded and apologized again for interrupting, running eagerly back to the kitchen entrance to grab the takeout menu.<br/>“Sucy! They were just like Edgar and Arthur in Nightfall volume 199…” Lotte’s volume was high enough at the beginning to make out the words. Diana vaguely remembered that her own roommate was a fan of the Nightfall series. It faded out, and she couldn’t make out anything but Sucy’s groaning response of “Ugh!” as Akko pressed play again.</p><p>She blissfully slipped back into the comfort of Akko’s hands in her hair, reminding her of a far off time when her mother would run her fingers through blonde locks as she read her bedtime stories. She must have dozed off as she woke to Lotte and Sucy coming in the front door with bags of takeout. </p><p>She tuned back into the film, noting they were nearing the end. As a gunshot sounded on film, Akko reached forward on the table to grab tissues, her body pressing closer to Diana and enveloping her in the heady scent of her shampoo and soap. Diana wasn’t sure if she was still high anymore, but the feeling layered into her as her heart raced.</p><p>The credits started rolling and Akko was trying her best to cry silently, sloppily blowing her nose. The sight of her blotchy face made tears prick Diana’s eyes, threatening to fall but maintaining their presence. If the little brunette didn’t seem to relish the release of crying so much the sight of this would certainly hurt Diana so much more. As it was she still felt an ache, and reached up to wipe away some of the tears on Akko’s face.</p><p>“Ugh! Sorry I’m so gross.” Akko laughed, the self deprecating tone teasing lightly.</p><p>“You’re not gross at all.” Diana smiled up at her and the crying girl flushed deeply, filling in the gaps between the red blotches, her face a full swathe of maroon. </p><p>“You’re just saying that,” Akko whispered. Her eyes were half lidded, though not entirely from the swelling of crying. Diana couldn’t quite identify the expression behind them.</p><p>“I’m definitely not,” she whispered back. She was reaching up once more when a throat cleared loudly from behind the couch.</p><p>“Your food is getting cold. Hurry up.” Sucy glared down at them and waltzed away, back through the kitchen.</p><p>“Sorry about her… Want to eat?”</p><p>Diana nodded. She hadn’t realized how starving she was. She idly wondered if it was a side effect of the pot that she was too apprehensive and anxious to feel the first time. She wandered behind Akko towards the kitchen, following the smell of teriyaki. Sucy and Lotte sat at a small table with four chairs next to a large bay window in the dining nook. Akko pulled out two containers for herself and Diana, setting them on the table. </p><p>“Ah, I forgot my tea,” Diana realized. It had gone cold during the movie but was still half full. She was not one to waste as a guest, though. “I’ll just retrieve it.” She nodded at them as Akko gave her a bright smile and searched for utensils.</p><p>Coming back to the kitchen, she caught the tail end of Sucy’s mutterings again.</p><p>“Is Ms. Priss going to buy some and leave this time? Or are you going to keep letting her hang around?”</p><p>“Sucy! It’s up to Akko,” Lotte chastised her again. Her tone read as slightly more irritated than Diana expected out of the mellow girl. Akko was frowning at Sucy, hands on her delicate hips. She looked up to catch Diana’s eyes, guilt crossing her face.</p><p>“Diana!”</p><p>“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my intention to overstay my welcome.” She was a little hurt, but tried valiantly to mask it.</p><p>“See?” Sucy asked. Diana had the feeling there was more to her dislike for the blonde than just forgetting her name in a few classes, though she didn’t know what it was. Akko grabbed their containers and utensils from the table.</p><p>“We can eat in the living room, Di.” She glared at Sucy. “And don’t listen to her. If you want, you can just keep smoking with me. You know, if you <em> want </em> to.” She looked down at her feet nervously, fiddling with the styrofoam sides of the containers. Diana was starting to feel more than a little overwhelmed and confused, so she opted for backing up into the kitchen and tilting her head towards the living room. Akko took the hint and they walked back to the living room with their food. She was silent as they sat back down on the couch with food placed on the cluttered table.</p><p>“Look, I’m sorry about Sucy.” Akko offered her a packet of chopsticks like an olive branch.<br/><br/>“I admit, I’m not sure what exactly I’ve done to make her so upset with me,” Diana frowned as she split the sticks. She clumsily dipped them in the rice, half the food she attempted to go for falling from the sticks. She frowned as she tried to adjust her grasp.<br/><br/>“She’s just a little… protective of me. She really is a good friend, I promise.”</p><p>“I don’t doubt it…” Diana looked down at her container, blushing as she failed to get proper traction with the chopsticks again. Akko giggled.<br/><br/>“You’re so good at everything, I’m surprised that you can’t use chopsticks. Want a fork?”</p><p>Diana gave her a mock scowl. “I can use chopsticks. I’m just experiencing minor motor difficulties.” Akko gave her an amused grin, eyes lighting with mischief. “But I can’t be good at everything. I’m only human.” She muttered. </p><p>“I know. I really like seeing human Diana.”</p><p>“Consider it a rare privilege,” she proclaimed haughtily, giving Akko a rakish head tilt.</p><p>“I do. I really do.” The brunette’s bright eyes softened at the edges. “I’m getting you a fork though.” Diana rolled her eyes but thanked the girl. She was going to master chopsticks though. She mentally added it to her to-do list. After dinner and a text from her roommates wondering if she had eaten yet as they were ordering in on their own, Diana headed to the entryway to pull on her boots.</p><p>“I think I owe you takeout,” she commented to Akko, lacing up.</p><p>“Next time you come by?” Akko asked. Diana looked up, meeting her smile with a soft one of her own. Upon standing, Akko wrapped her in another hug, leaning her head under Diana’s chin, easier to do comfortably with their height difference. Her hair had dried, tickling Diana’s neck softly.</p><p>“Yeah. Next time I come by.” Neither of them mentioned the pot she failed to purchase once more as she left.</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>The behavior repeated, weekly or twice weekly, as Diana felt the need to seek Akko’s comforting presence. The next time she came back she brought Akko some fruit tarts from the bakery near campus, much to the smaller girl’s delight. She might have seen Lotte on her way to class one day and inquired as to Akko’s dessert preferences. She didn’t want to seem a mooch, though she admitted part of it was a selfish desire to see the girl light up. Bringing her food seemed to be the perfect way to do that, an easy in to her smile even with Diana's incompetency with reading people. So she picked up takeout, brought her candy or cookies, sugary drinks to rot her silly little teeth out. As long as they could breathe together.</p><p>Each visit was filled with warm closeness, something Diana realized she was beginning to crave. They smoked every time, but with the blonde never taking any home with her she hoped her new and dear friend would understand that she appreciated her company most.</p><p>The sheer rarity of touch throughout her life seemed to have inspired an unexpected addiction. The embarrassment over her receptivity to Akko’s every touch increased the guilt afterwards. Sometimes after leaving Akko’s home and sinking into her own bed she felt shame at her actions, so unlike what she was expected to be as  Cavendish. The ambiguous nature of their friendship was new to her character, and she couldn’t bear to reveal it to Hannah and Barbara.</p><p>At times they watched movies, and Diana quickly realized most things made Akko cry, though for different reasons. There was the happy, excited crying while watching Shiny Chariot’s old performances, Akko’s self admitted pleasure without a shred of guilt over the childish nature of the magic show. The sad crying when they watched something with a slightly tragic ending. The frustrated tears when a movie ended poorly and they were left to wonder what to make of it. </p><p>Everything about her was so extra, from her volume and presence in her little body to the reactions she had. Seeing the girl so disinhibited unlocked more of Diana than she thought she had, and her emotions seeped out every time she visited. She left with relief, closing herself back up on her way home, but coming back to that craving for some sort of discharge.</p><p>Other times they had snacks and just talked, Diana lying back as Akko fiddled with her hair, being held close by the brunette who lavished her with physical affection. She had passed her on campus once or twice with a wave, and noticed that the girl was significantly more touchy-feely with her friends than Diana had conceived was normal, but there seemed to be an extra tenderness reserved for Diana’s visits. She wondered if Akko had just as much a need for their closeness as she did. She hoped the arrangement was as mutually beneficial as it appeared, fulfilling that gap for each other so they could go about their normal day.</p><p>The talking was always innocent, Akko never pried into her feelings, asking simple questions. Diana felt that the nature of them wasn’t particularly revealing, though she wondered if perhaps the girl had a way of getting her to admit things with her peculiar approach.</p><p>One of those days, as they lay close on the couch, one of Akko’s arms looped under her neck as they looked into each other’s eyes, Akko softly asked about her to talk about her favorite animal.</p><p>Diana had admitted it was dogs, to Akko’s surprise.</p><p>“I thought you were more of a horse person. Or a cat person.” She smiled. New information about the blonde that went against her expectations always seemed to delight her. Where Diana had gone most of her life trying to fit into others’ perceptions of her and what she was meant to be, even with Hannah and Barbara, she instead began to relish subverting Akko’s expectations.</p><p>“No, I really like dogs.”<br/><br/>“A lot? Does your family have any?” Akko idly carded her hands through Diana’s hair.</p><p>“We used to have two hounds. I used to go riding with them. But when I started high school my aunt got rid of them.” Akko frowned and Diana mimicked the action she had done on their first meeting, tracing her thumb down between her eyebrows to press out the wrinkles. She lingered on her button nose.</p><p>“Used to?”<br/><br/>“Aunt Daryl wasn’t much of an animal person. They weren’t allowed inside the house after my mother died, and after that… Well, she just didn’t want them around.”<br/><br/>“I’m sorry.”<br/><br/>“It’s ok… I wasn’t around enough with school and avoiding my aunt. They deserved better.”<br/><br/>“You deserved better, too, Di.” They lingered like that, breath caught between them in thick tension that Diana had no name for, until Sucy came home. </p><p>Her roommates were curious, with Sucy still hostile towards Diana’s presence. She much preferred to visit when they were out, though it was hard to ask. They never planned ahead, instead waiting for Diana to text on a whim. Akko always seemed to be free for her, though Diana never asked for her schedule. They kept themselves to the living room, unabashedly close despite Lotte’s eager eyes. She never dared to enter her room upstairs, and she was never invited. It seemed an invisible boundary that both were too timid to cross in their friendship.</p><p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Concurrence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Amanda came up to her one day after her evening labs. Diana’s normally thinly veiled irritation with her had faded with time. She often saw her across campus with Akko. She wondered if their constant hanging out had unconsciously conditioned a positive response on sight to the brash redhead.</p><p>“I heard you’ve been hanging with Akko recently. Like, a lot.” Amanda got straight to the point as they walked towards the lot together. Diana hummed an assent.<br/><br/>“Yes, I find her company to be unexpectedly pleasant.”</p><p>“Look, that’s not what I intended when I gave you the number.” The woman’s tone sounded slightly irate.<br/><br/>“I don’t understand what you mean. Is it a problem that we are friends?” Diana was a little taken aback. Normally the girl picked fights with her for pleasure, but there was no mischief in her eyes today.<br/><br/>“You don’t even call me a friend, Diana, and I’ve known you for forever.”<br/><br/>“Are we defining my friendships now?” Diana asked archly.<br/><br/>“Ugh, no. You know what, you’re the worst sometimes. Just don’t hurt her, ok? Akko’s really sensitive.” The girl stomped away towards her bike, cutting off their conversation.<br/><br/>“I’m well aware that she is… sensitive. I’m quite perturbed that you think I’d do anything to hurt her.”<br/><br/>“I mean it, Cavendish,” she yelled back over her shoulder. Diana got to her car, leaning against it with a tremor in her body. She intended to drive home, but the shaking drove through her and she arrived instead at the little duplex. She rushed to the door, disregarding the bell and knocking frantically.</p><p>Her chest had begun to hurt and her breathing came out in gasps. Akko opened the door in front of her, damp hair stuck in the collar of a bathrobe and a toothbrush in her mouth.</p><p>“Dia?” She mumbled. She pulled out the toothbrush. “What’s wrong?” Akko’s piercing eyes clouded as she looked at the blonde gasping in front of her.</p><p>Diana rushed her with a hug, clenching her robe and breathing heavily into her neck. Her knees started to feel weak. Akko dropped her toothbrush to the ground and wrapped her arms around the girl tightly, pulling her inside the house. She guided her over to the couch and sat her down. Diana gasped for air and tore at her coat. </p><p>Akko knelt before her, unlacing her boots and quickly pulling them off, tossing them to the side of the table. Diana pulled her up onto the couch, or would have if her arms hadn’t been so weak. Akko let herself be guided to lay half on top of Diana, the blonde trembling below her. Her legs tangled with Diana’s as she was pulled in close. The robe was almost a lost cause, but they clung together, breathing shallowly at the same pace.<br/><br/>“Dia…” Akko whispered in the shell of her ear. “Tell me about Henry.”</p><p>Diana clenched her eyes shut and willed her voice to come out, quaking and croaking.<br/><br/>“Henry was the older hound. He was brown and white.” Diana paused, thinking hard through the fog and dizziness. “Squirrels were his favorite. One time I received a stuffed animal for my birthday and he tore it up through the wrapping paper.” Akko giggled softly into her neck.</p><p>“He sounds terrible. I love him.” </p><p>“I loved him too. He liked to sleep on the end of my bed.”<br/><br/>“On your feet?”<br/><br/>“No, right next to them. He’d pull up the covers and lick my toes.”</p><p>Akko moved her legs around Diana’s, trying to get more comfortable within her the deathly clench of her grip. Diana pulled her in closer when she settled, her breathing starting to become more even. Akko’s grew shallower as she struggled to relax her pace and her heart. Her robe was a disheveled mess, Diana’s thigh between her own riding up the fabric. She gulped a breath as Diana sighed into her ear.</p><p>They fused together, Diana continuing to note facts about Henry as the little boundaries they had continued to dissipate. As she settled down, Akko perched herself up on her elbows. Diana’s eyes were closed in contentment, though she still trembled slightly.<br/><br/>“Does this happen a lot, Di?” The blonde’s eyes snapped open. Akko knew she had made a mistake, overstepped that invisible boundary.</p><p>“Hey, hey, it’s ok. How about a toke instead?”</p><p>Diana’s sudden stiffness remained, her face a mask of discomfort that suddenly fell between them, poking at each intersection of their bodies. Akko leaned to reach over to the table, grabbing a small box and a lighter. She held up a joint in the space between them, trying to recover what they had before it was ruined.</p><p>Diana stared, the small roll a welcome distraction from the sudden cognizance of Akko’s robe dipping open. She opened her mouth slightly to answer, then closed it when none came.<br/><br/>“It’s ok, I’ll light it for us.” Akko realized that every experience Diana had was with her trusty bong, though it seemed a poor choice to get up to retrieve it from the kitchen now, especially when it wasn’t clean. She grabbed a lighter and leaned past Diana to ignite the end over the floor, keeping stray ash from the twisted end from Diana’s clothing.</p><p>She took a small drag to get it going, breathing away from the blonde who watched her lips like they were breathing for her. The brunette held it up in offer to her, but Diana kept her arms at her side, shaking. She didn’t feel able to make the decision, to process the new skill or the dangerous position they were in. Her mouth opened again with no sound forthcoming.</p><p>Akko made the decision for her, taking a deep drag to hold in her mouth, pressing her mouth to Diana’s and blowing in. The smoke flowed between them, lips touching lightly. It burned and made Diana’s eyes water, though she didn’t know if it was the smoke or the warmth of her lips. Akko met her eyes, quietly continuing to drag and puff for her, breathing for Diana. When the tiny spliff was out, they collapsed in on each other, buried faces in necks and melting together once again.</p><p>They dozed off without the small talk between them, waking to the front door opening and Sucy stomping in. </p><p>“Jesus fucking Christ. Seriously?” The girl looked at them together on the couch and walked back out the front door, slamming it shut. </p><p>Diana and Akko stiffened again, breaking apart slowly like fragile connections crumbling. They leaned back and away from each other, unable to make eye contact.</p><p>Diana eventually grabbed her boots and left without a word, walking barefoot to her car and lacing them once she was safely inside its confines. Her socks were damp with melting frost and stuck with the last of the season’s leaves, but she shoved them back into the boots to keep herself whole.</p><hr/><p>
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</p><p>Diana balanced chopsticks in her hand over the pages of her textbook, sitting in her own living room with a light lunch. She heard her roommates coming down the hallway but kept her eyes focused on the pages, her mind stuck wondering what the look on Akko’s face will be like when she shows her how good she’s gotten. It had been two weeks since they had last spoken, Diana’s fear and shame a barrier between her fingers and the phone, unable to send a message.</p><p>“Oh, hey Diana. You’re not usually out here to study. Everything ok?” Barbara asked, looking at her curiously.</p><p>“Huh? Oh, yes. Just trying something new.”</p><p>Hannah urged Barbara on with a pat on the back.<br/><br/>“You seemed to be… happier recently. We’re really glad you’ve been getting things sorted. You can still talk to us, you know.” Barbara rushed out the last sentence. Diana nodded at them, flushing lightly and looking away.</p><p>“Um, what are you doing with those?” Hannah asked.<br/><br/>Diana had forgotten the chopsticks in her hand. She quickly thought another white lie on the spot, the guilt hitting as she realized the snowballing nature of her newfound habit.</p><p>“Just a new focusing technique. Um, what do you need girls?”</p><p>“Nothing, just… You’re coming to Barbara’s reading this weekend, right?” </p><p>“Yes, absolutely. It’s right after one of my labs so I’ll meet you there.” Diana thought a moment. “Isn’t it all seniors in the writing program?” She asked.</p><p>“Yeah, some of the others are doing readings as well.” So Lotte would probably be there. And probably Akko. Diana hummed in satisfaction. She wondered if she should put a change of clothes in her car that day so she wasn’t running in with her lab clothes. It wouldn’t do to look unkempt. Purely for the benefit of her friends, of course. She wasn’t one to let Barbara down.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>The reading took place in one of the reading rooms. Diana had changed in the lecture hall bathrooms before heading over, an uncanny decision she continued to make excuses for. It was a nice event, she should look more put together than stained jeans and trainers from the chemistry lab.</p><p>She smoothed down her blouse and skirt. The chill of the oncoming winter required leggings under the knee length a-line, but she chose one with an eye-catching deep blue pattern that she knew went well with her eyes. Not for any reason other than to look good. She noticed a wrinkle on her white sleeve with distaste, but tried her best to ignore it considering it had been folded in the car all day.</p><p>She took a seat with Hannah in one of the front rows, eyes surreptitiously scanning the room until they alighted on the brunette she was looking for. Seated between her roommate and Amanda, the group accompanied by two other girls she vaguely recalled as Amanda’s roommates. She snapped her attention back to the front when Hannah gave her a light tap.</p><p>“What are you looking at?” She asked, eyes narrowing. “You’re being kind of weird.” </p><p>“Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Diana assured her, lies flowing easily from between her teeth. </p><p>It didn’t take long for the reading to start, the senior girls reading through poetry and pieces. Lotte shared a sequence of poignant sonnets to light applause paired with the boisterous shrill whistles and cheers coming from Akko and Amanda. Diana chuckled lightly as Hannah scoffed, glaring back at them.<br/><br/>“They are the <em> worst </em>.” Diana gave her a cursory nod, ignoring the information and watching Akko grab Lotte into as close as her small frame could come to a bear hug when the mild girl approached their seats. She disconnected herself from the exuberant brunette’s grasp and claimed the seat they had saved for her. Akko’s legs bounced in anticipation, her patience likely wearing thin as they waited for the last girls to finish. Diana had the sneaking suspicion that pot and the promise of cuddles were the only things that allowed her body languid peace.</p><p>Barbara went on and Diana could barely focus through the reading of her vignettes. She watched the brunette out of the corner of her eyes until she caught Akko looking at her. She returned the gaze resolutely and Akko paled, face falling and turning away. Sucy and Amanda looked up and glared at Diana.</p><p>She turned back, confused and hurt. She had the inkling that she perhaps had made a mistake that day, but the severity of it had escaped her. Panic seeped in as she tried to gather her thoughts and solve this… <em> thing </em>she was presented.</p><p>It felt like a convoluted word problem missing more than half of the information. She had no idea how to find it, who had it, what she was supposed to say or do to retrieve it. Her hands started to shake as she continued to spiral.</p><p>She felt Hannah’s hand on her and concerned hazel eyes. </p><p>“Diana, are you ok?” She whispered. Barbara’s set had finished and she lingered off to the side. She raised her hand in a wave at them, falling when she realized what was happening.<br/><br/>“No, I don’t think I am this time.” Diana whispered. She got up from her seat quickly, making her way out of the room as discreetly as she could with her heart pounding. She heard Hannah and Barbara following her out the door into the hall, heels clicking on the tile. She paid them no mind as she rushed herself to the bathroom, stumbling as her vision started to close in on her.</p><p>She made it inside to lean against the counter of sinks, turning on the water to splash in her face haphazardly, blouse be damned. When it failed to help and the heat and chest pain continued, she slowly sank to her knees, turning her back to the counter and hugging them tightly. She registered the voices of her friends but tuned them out unconsciously.<br/><br/>“Diana!”</p><p>“What do we do Han?”</p><p>“I don’t know, wait it out? I thought she was handling it.” Hannah threw up her arms in frustration. </p><p>“Apparently not!” Barbara shouted back. They stood, aching for a solution as they considered the woman in front of them, a near lifelong friend, not knowing if they should touch her or try to interrupt it. The bathroom door burst open behind them.</p><p>“Hey! Look, we need some space.”<br/><br/>A small brunette shoved past them, kneeling and placing her hands on Diana’s knees.<br/><br/>“What the hell, Akko?” Someone. Amanda? There were too many people now and Diana buried her face down.<br/><br/>“Hey, Di.” A soft voice whispered. Soothing. “Can you tell me about Charlie?”</p><p>“Charlie? What the hell? How do you know about Charlie?” Hannah’s volume raised in confusion and frustration. Amanda shushed her and pulled Diana’s roommates aside to whisper to them.</p><p>“Wait, they’ve been doing <em> what? </em>”</p><p>“Di. Look at me.” Diana moved her head up with blurry vision, heaving with the effort to breathe and focus on Akko’s eyes at the same time.</p><p>“Charlie was the younger one.” She whispered.<br/><br/>“He was too gentle to hunt, but he bayed fine.” She took a gulping breath and leaned into Akko’s touch as the girl stroked her hair.<br/><br/>“Aunt Daryl kicked him a few times, and he started growling at her.” Akko’s touch faltered a moment, but quickly returned with pressure.</p><p>“He stopped sleeping near me after that, but I made him a new bed with some old clothes. I think he liked that.” Akko sat beside her, pulling her close and brushing their cheeks together. Diana nuzzled into her, breath slowing down.</p><p>“I sent toys in the mail to his new owners every year.” She breathed in Akko’s scent, a little sweaty from her practice. </p><p>“He passed away this summer. They sent me a letter explaining they had to donate the last toy to the shelter. I think I’ll keep sending them if they get a new dog though.”<br/><br/>“They treated him right.” She fell into Akko.</p><p>“I don’t treat you right, do I?” She felt Akko’s tears against her face. “Tell me what to do.”</p><p>But she didn’t. The world came back to focus slowly and Akko couldn’t speak through her hiccups.</p><p>Hannah and Barbara sat in front of them, a few feet away.</p><p>“Diana…?” She met their eyes shakily. “What’s going on with you and Akko?”</p><p>“We’re friends.” She answered. She was so sure of herself in that answer, but it was the wrong one.</p><p>“You asshole.” Sucy spat at her. She grabbed Akko, still sobbing, by the arm, and dragged her out, Lotte following behind with hunched shoulders.<br/><br/>Diana’s face fell, along with tears she didn’t know she was holding. </p><p>“I made her cry?” She asked Amanda, who stared down at her. She was already tall enough, she didn’t need to puff herself up like that. </p><p>"You really don’t get it, Cavendish?” The bite was back, and Diana longed her the days of her incessant vulgar teasing. Amanda ran her hands through her hair. “You’re so fucking stupid.” A temporary glare, like it wasn’t even worth her time to be angry anymore.</p><p>“She had like, a major crush on you freshman year and you couldn’t even remember her name. She had to introduce herself like five times. She asked to sit with you at lunch and you always said you wanted to be alone! Shit, if I knew this would happen I wouldn’t have introduced you.”</p><p>“I thought you were just going to pick up some weed from Sucy and go on your merry conceited way, but you just had to take her with you. Fuck you, Diana. I mean it. I really mean it this time.” She stalked out of the bathroom. Diana was drained, looking at the dirty floor.</p><p>“I think I messed up.” She looked up at her roommates, who stared back at her like an alien was before them.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The conclusion is next. Will be posting later this evening. I appreciate any analysis of Diana's character, I'm curious to see what other have found out by this point. I'm a big fan of unreliable narration. As you may be able to tell.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Catharsis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Diana was pulled home by Hannah and Barbara that night. They wrapped her in a heated blanket on the couch, a lovely little suede thing that they didn’t spend enough time on. A mug of earl gray sat on a coaster in front of her. Her eyes drooped but she tried to give them her full attention.</p><p>Hannah sat next to her on the couch, Barbara kneeling in front of her and resting her chin on the tip of Hannah’s knees, hands wrapped in each other’s like tangled lifelines. They waited with her.</p><p>“I do that with Akko sometimes.” She admitted quietly. Hannah raised her eyebrows.</p><p>“When did that start, exactly?”<br/><br/>“Amanda gave me her number after you two saw me the first time. Well, it wasn’t the first time. It was the first time you were there, though.”<br/><br/>“Diana, we didn’t know it was happening that much.”<br/><br/>“I didn’t tell you.”</p><p>“We’ve been with you for forever. Why don’t you tell us these things?” Barbara squeezed Hannah’s hands and stepped in.<br/><br/>“What Hannah means is… we’re not angry, we’re just a little hurt. And that’s ok. We’re all a little hurt, right? Even you, Diana.”</p><p>She sipped from her mug.</p><p>“I suppose I am, yes.”</p><p>Barbara’s eyes wrinkled in a smile.</p><p>“So you and Akko are like us?”</p><p>“I don’t know. It felt like it, but now I feel like I was missing something the whole time.”</p><p>“Diana... We’ve been friends a really long time, so it’s not surprising that our relationship feels a little different, right? But we don’t do the same things with you as Barbara and I do with each other. You get that, right?” Hannah with her thumbs, wriggling in Barbara’s grasp.</p><p>“You’re together, yes. But you always call us all friends.”<br/><br/>“I think I see where Akko may have been getting the wrong idea here.” Barbara planted her face in her hands, frowning into Hanna’s lap. “Not that you were wrong, Diana! This is why we need to talk about things, though. It’s hard to remember sometimes that you’re a little different in that area.”</p><p>“And that’s totally fine! You’re fine the way you are. We love you. You know that, right?”<br/><br/>Diana hesitated over her mug, blowing ripples into the surface.<br/><br/>“I love you girls too.”</p><p>“But not like Akko,” Barbara grinned.<br/><br/>“No, not like I love Akko.” Hannah gaped at her. “What?”</p><p>“Nothing, I just wasn’t expecting you to say it. Wow. So, Akko, huh.” She wrinkled her nose. “She’s sweet, I guess.” Barbara jabbed an elbow into her thigh. “Sorry! Ugh, this is just a lot.”</p><p>“It is a lot. Can you tell us everything, Diana? We really want to help. And we are getting a professional, too. You’re not getting out of that one, unfortunately.” Barbara patted her leg as she heaved a sigh.</p><p>“She cries a lot.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
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</p><p>It had been six weeks since that conversation, with the semester coming to a close. She hadn’t seen or heard from Akko. Added to her senior calendar was twice weekly sessions with her therapist, Holbrooke. She felt like they were getting places. The panic attacks were becoming a little more manageable. Not gone. Present, but without Akko she had things to learn. And Diana was good at learning, as Holbrooke reminded her.</p><p>
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  <em> “What Akko helped you with was sort of like a grounding exercise. I want to give you the tools so you can help yourself. We can’t always be reliant on our significant others.” </em>
</p><p><em> “Akko isn’t…” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “Diana, can you be honest with me?” </em></p><p><em> “Yes, yes I can.” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “Tell me about Akko.”  </em></p><p>Diana sighed as she worked on her final papers. With a letter sent to student services she had been alerted that she may receive some leniency if she needed it during the last stretch before winter break. She didn’t know what that leniency entailed, exactly, as she hadn’t needed to use it, but her symptoms of anxiety were significantly alleviated knowing that they had done something. A plan was in place, Barbara said. They all liked plans, and Diana was particular about order.</p><p>She thought back to that first session with Holbrooke. It mostly consisted of Akko. She thought they would talk more about Diana herself, the anxieties, her episodes. But Holbrooke was so curious about Akko, the catalyst that forced her to right herself.</p><p>
  <em> “I had wondered if I might… Is there something wrong with me? Socially speaking?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Diana, let’s not put a label on these things quite yet. I don’t want you stuck in your head about it. It can be helpful to receive a diagnosis for some, but when you’ve lived so long without one, it’s really up to you whether you want to pursue that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Do you think I’ll be able to get her back?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t know, Diana. It sounds like you hurt her pretty badly. You need to give Akko some space right now, and you need it for yourself too.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “OK. OK, I can do that.” </em>
</p><p>Holbrooke’s only rule was honesty. Diana’s new habit of lying was laid out very quickly in that sense. She felt some relief that Hannah and Barbara finally knew what was going on. She had told them everything that had happened so far, dutifully detailing the kinds of conversations she had with Akko, the touches they shared, the parts of herself that she had shed for Akko alone.</p><p>For the first time in a long time, it felt like they were actually gaining some understanding of Diana. Not the person Diana pretended to be, but the human she actually was. She had never felt closer to them before. And did inform them that she appreciated hugs from time to time, though mostly from Akko.</p><p>“You can ask us any time. We’ll hug you. We’ll cuddle, even, if that’s what you need.” Hannah was more than enthusiastic about the prospect of platonic cuddle sessions with their dearest friend.</p><p>They were on the fence about her indulging in drugs, but left that to Holbrooke and herself to discuss.</p><p><em> “There’s nothing wrong with enjoying things recreationally. It is legal, and you are an adult. But tell me, what do you think it helped with?” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “It didn’t stop the anxiety. But it… helped with my inhibitions. I was able to exist with Akko in a way that I haven’t been able to with others.” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “Do you want to be like that with other people?” </em></p><p><em> “In some ways, yes. My roommates… We’ve known each other for so long and they don’t even know if they can hug me. In others… I want what Akko and I had to be special. </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “I think it was pretty special, Diana. She sounds like a special person.” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “She really, really is.” </em></p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>She had tried a few times to flag down Amanda during the weeks before finals, but failed as the redhead turned to ignore her. Her next best plan was set in motion as she scurried from her labs early to the parking lot.</p><p>Amanda was not happy to see Diana sitting on her motorcycle the second to last week of their session.<br/><br/>“Get off, Cavendish.”<br/><br/>Diana contemplated.</p><p>“No. I really need to talk to you.”</p><p>“I don’t want to hear it. Let me just get through this semester without any more of your bullshit.”</p><p>Diana remained seated, folding her arms.</p><p>“Ah! You are so freaking selfish. I should shove you off but I don’t want you to scratch her.” Amanda futilely tried to push at Diana’s arm. Diana caught her sleeve as she pulled away.</p><p>“Please?” She quietly pleaded.</p><p>“Ugh. Can we get a drink or something? I need something to get through this.” Diana considered with narrowed eyes, worrying that Amanda might take off on her.</p><p>“I’ll drive?” </p><p>They went to a pub down the street that mostly catered to students, the inside uncharacteristically quiet with the impending finals week. Diana grabbed their drinks, an amber ale for Amanda and a gin and tonic for herself.<br/><br/>“Oh? Didn’t expect you to be drinking.”<br/><br/>“I do like alcohol, Amanda. I’m not a total stick in the mud.”<br/><br/>“You seem to have gained a sense of humor as well.”<br/><br/>“Akko can take credit for that.” Amanda raised her eyebrows at Diana over her glass. “I truly didn’t mean to hurt her. I care about her, and we had a misunderstanding.”<br/><br/>“Akko thought you had been dating for months, Diana. Either you’re that much of a useless lesbian or you’re autistic as hell.” Diana winced at the words she had been avoiding. Honesty. Holbrooke. She took a deep breath.</p><p>“About that, Amanda. I’m seeing a therapist now and we haven’t quite gotten to that but…” Diana paused as beer spewed across the table.</p><p>“Wait, what? Shit. I thought you were just a bitch.” Diana’s lips quirked up at the edges.</p><p>“That too, probably. It’s… complicated?” Amanda mopped up her spill as she considered.</p><p>“Shit… Ok. So you and Akko.”</p><p>“I think… I think we might feel the same way about each other. Or did. I’m not sure if she still does.” Diana idly traced circles on her glass, then knocked it back. “I wasn’t seeing her for the pot.” Amanda snorted.</p><p>“We both know I’m not good at this, Amanda. But I want her to know I’m sorry, and that none of this was her fault.”<br/><br/>“I mean, that’s not entirely true. She could have texted you. She could have talked to you herself.” Amanda sighed, sliding the glass between her hands like a puck. “You two are such a mess. I want to be so mad at you, but it’s kind of hard right now.”<br/><br/>“You’re my friend too, Amanda. And I, albeit inadvertently, hurt your other friend. I don’t blame you either.” The redhead breathed in heavily through her nose, eyebrows lifting at the glass before her.</p><p>“So.”</p><p>“So…” Diana repeated back carefully.</p><p>“You’re going to tell her yourself, right?”</p><p>“If she’ll let me.”</p><p>Amanda downed the rest of her beer. </p><p>“I’ll talk to Lotte. I can’t hold Sucy back if she wants to bitch-slap you. Also, you’re buying me another beer. Jesus fucking Christ.” She ran fingers through her spiky hair, pulling them back and wrinkling her nose when she realized they smelled like the ale she spilled from her mouth. “You owe me so hard, Cavendish.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Are you comfortable with your sexuality, Diana?” </em>
</p><p><em> “I don’t see why I wouldn’t be. It hadn’t crossed my mind.” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “Have you thought about what you want out of a relationship with someone?” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “I want Akko.” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> Holbrooke chuckled. </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “I know we’re a little fixated on Akko, but let’s think about what exactly you want. From the sounds of things with Amanda, she thought you were dating. Did you two ever do anything sexual? Or that might have been?” </em></p><p>
  <em>Diana thought through that with a frown. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t think we did, exactly.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Is that out of the question for you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Diana considered the memory of Akko on top of her. Would things have gone differently if she had more there in the moment? They had been so close, but Diana grasped at straws trying to put that memory back together. She put that on the shelf of things to consider again. </em>
</p><p><em> “No, not at all. I definitely feel things. I just don’t know exactly how to… fulfill that for her.” </em> <em><br/></em> <em><br/></em> <em> “That’s OK Diana. It’s just important to be aware and to discuss these things. Your relationship with her was much more emotionally intense than you were used to, it’s normal to be confused.” </em></p><p>
  <em> “Open and honest communication.” </em>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Diana waited until finals were over. The last thing she wanted was to impact Akko’s academic performance more than she already had. The day after the last exam she stood on the familiar stoop.</p><p>Weeks of frost had apparently weakened the roof further, and Diana guarded a paper bag under her coat as droplets of sleet poured lazily down on her. She could huddle closer to the door but she didn’t want to crowd it, unsure if she would even be let inside. She rang the doorbell and patiently stood, the icy droplets grounding her. She had an appointment with Holbrooke waiting for her the next day, no matter how things went here.</p><p>The door opened quickly.<br/><br/>“Oh, hell no,” and slammed shut.</p><p>Diana stood there blinking owlishly. It was an expected reaction.</p><p>The door opened again, Lotte behind it this time.<br/><br/>“I’m sorry Diana, I’m not sure if we can let you in.” Diana huddled around her bag, looking down at her feet.<br/><br/>“That’s OK, I can stay out here. If Akko is willing to talk to me, I’d really like that.” Lotte held up a finger to wait a moment and closed the door.</p><p>“No, she’s not allowed to talk to her.” She could hear Sucy yelling.<br/><br/>“Sucy, it’s not up to us. They’re adults. If Akko wants to talk to her, she can.”<br/><br/>“I warned her about that bitch! I don’t even know why she’s back.”<br/><br/>“Let’s just let them work it out, ok? Amanda seemed to think it was a good idea.”<br/><br/>“Amanda is the dumbest bitch second to Diana. She doesn’t have <em> any </em> good ideas.” </p><p>“<em> Sucy! </em>”</p><p>Diana shuffled her feet, feeling droplets go into her boots, past the ends of her jeans that were tucked in daintily. The door opened again and she was afraid to look up. Biting her lip, she waited.</p><p>“Diana?” Her eyes shot up immediately to meet Akko’s. Her tiny body leaned against the door frame, eyes wide and inquisitive.</p><p>“Hi, Akko. Could we speak for a moment?” Akko turned her head towards the kitchen to some sounds.</p><p>“I don’t think I can let you in. Sucy might murder you.”</p><p>“That’s ok. She’s right, anyway. About some things.” Akko’s eyes widened.</p><p>“What do you mean?” She whispered.</p><p>Diana straightened her shoulders and prepared herself. She hadn’t rehearsed it, per se, but she had discussed what she wanted to say to Akko with Holbrooke. She had some new vocabulary, not necessarily new to her in general, but in this kind of context. </p><p>“I’m sorry for… For having my head up my own arse,” she started. She sighed and met Akko’s eyes, which had quirked with a bit of amusement at the unfamiliar language from Diana. She owed that to her. Open communication. Honesty. </p><p>“I’m sorry for being absolutely toxic to you. I was using you. I burdened you emotionally. I allowed myself to be spoiled by your unconditional positive regard, and took it for granted along with your feelings.” Clearly and concisely state an understanding of what was wrong. Akko’s features went blank, and Diana pushed onward.</p><p>“I am a complete cad, I disregarded you and ignored you when you attempted to convey your feelings to me before. I didn’t realize what you felt for me at the time, but I would have if I had actually listened to you as a person back then.” She hadn’t even known what she did to her in freshman year, and hearing that Akko even gave her a chance at friendship after that was shocking.</p><p>“Know that I absolutely hold affection for you. I’m sorry that I’ve been so completely ineffectual at communicating that to you. I… In some ways I thought myself undeserving of romantic endeavors, but it was my behavior that made that so.” She hoped that was clear enough for Akko, but she had more to say before she could clarify.</p><p>“Anyone out there would be just <em> so </em> lucky to have you, Akko. You are an absolutely beautiful person. Even when… No, especially when you’re crying. I envy the depth of your empathy for others, and I wish I could be just a little bit more like you. You deserve someone in your life who will treat you the way that you treat others.” She felt tears welling up, something that used to feel so alien to her. Crying had become a regular activity with Akko.</p><p>“If I could have the opportunity to try again and be a real friend to you, I would appreciate it. But you are under no obligation to give me that chance, and I fully respect that. I know I’ve ruined more than just a chance at a romantic relationship with you.” She let the tears drip down and breathed in, waiting for Akko now.</p><p>“I don’t... That’s a lot of words, Diana.” Diana swallowed, considering.</p><p>“To put it quite simply, I’m sorry I was a bitch. I’m trying to be better. I really like you.”</p><p>“Like?” Akko laughed, somewhat incredulous.</p><p>“Yes. Also, I brought you tarts.” Diana held up the bag, then frowned at it. “This looks bad. They’re not a bribe. I just wanted to bring you tarts because they make you smile, and I’ve robbed too many smiles from you recently.”</p><p>“No good, huh? I can just leave them for you. Or I can bring some around another time. Now it really sounds like I’m trying to bribe you. I promise I am trying to truly earn and deserve your attention, not weasel my way into your good graces again. I really-”</p><p>“Shut up, Diana.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Come inside. Let’s watch a movie.” Akko grabbed her arm and the offering of tarts. “Boots off,” she reminded her.</p><p>“Ok.”</p><p>Akko went to the kitchen with the bag as Diana unlaced her boots, a small ritual she had missed dearly. In front of her loomed Sucy and Lotte.</p><p>“I’m watching you,” Sucy said.<br/><br/>“I know.” Diana paused, considering. “You are such a good friend to Akko. And I don’t want to hurt her again.”<br/><br/>“So you wanted to the first time?<br/><br/>“No! No… But that doesn’t mean much, right? I still did. I’m sorry.” Lotte pinched Sucy’s arm as Diana fumbled.<br/><br/>“Whatever. Keep it PG on the couch. No, actually, G.”<br/><br/>“Yes, absolutely.”<br/><br/>“You’re not allowed in her room.”<br/><br/>“I- of course.”<br/><br/>“Knock it off Sucy, now you’re just bullying her.”<br/><br/>“She still deserves it…” Sucy muttered, walking off to the stairs.</p><p>“I really liked your speech, Diana. <em> So </em> romantic.” She felt like she could hear Sucy gagging down the hall. “Though you may need to explain it to Akko again.”<br/><br/>Diana smiled. “I’m willing to do that.”</p><p>Akko pranced back into the room with a plate full of tarts. She grabbed Diana’s arm and dragged her to the couch, immediately pulling her down with her. She placed the plate on the table and looked at the paraphernalia there.</p><p>“Do you…”</p><p>“No, not today. I very much enjoy it with you, but it’s not the pot that I was coming for.” Akko brightened. She looked down at the coffee table, then their hands. She nodded to herself and leaned forward, brushing a kiss over Diana’s cheek. The blonde’s eyelids fluttered shut, staying still as she slowly released the breath she didn’t realize she had started holding.</p><p>“Keep it G-rated in there!”</p><p>Akko rolled her eyes.</p><p>“I’m kissing Diana!” She yelled into the house. Lotte squealed in the kitchen.</p><p>“Ugh!”</p><p>Akko turned her grin back to Diana. The blonde looked down at the hands that were now joined together.</p><p>“Akko, I know we need to talk more.”<br/><br/>“Yeah, we do. And we will! You look like you need a little break from that, though.” Diana gave her a grateful look. “You’re not off the hook yet. Like, I know I never asked but it sure seemed like we were, um, dating. And I was afraid to message you because you seemed to prefer being in person. But… later works. I’m just really glad you’re here now.”<br/><br/>Diana considered it as she brushed her fingers over Akko’s knuckles. </p><p>“Those aren’t too hard, I’d prefer to say it now.” Akko gave her a quizzical look. Diana grimaced and shot a similar one back at her, making the brunette giggle. “As it turns out, you are a dear friend to me. Who I also was in a relationship with. Ah, I can explain later but it seems I might have misapplied some terms to our interactions based on my roommate’s relationship.”</p><p>“Oh?”</p><p>“Han and Barb are dating, they just don’t call it that.”<br/><br/>“Oh!” Realization dawned on Akko. “Oh no. I didn’t…” </p><p>“It’s OK, I should have been more clear. Also, you can message me any time. Or call. I’m not sure what you’re doing over break, but I’m staying in town and… I would like that. To talk to you.” Diana could feel her blush rising. Akko pulled their hands apart and lifted her fingers to Diana’s cheeks, brushing lightly over the color displayed there.</p><p>“I really like this, Diana. Thank you.”<br/><br/>“You can thank my therapist,” Diana joked.</p><p>“No, I’m going to thank you. You’re the one here, talking.” Akko bit her lip. “Hey…” She whispered. Diana leaned forward in question. “Can I actually kiss you?” Diana’s eyes widened as she smiled.</p><p>“Yeah, please.” Akko’s hands on her cheeks held firm as the brunette came in closer. She bumped their noses together, brushing over Diana’s in a nuzzle. The blonde’s eyes fell shut with a giggle. A pause, a breath, and Akko’s lips were on hers. The faint taste of strawberry as she pressed closer. Pulling away with a lopsided grin, she licked her lips. Diana mirrored the action.<br/><br/>“Akko…”<br/><br/>“Yeah?”<br/><br/>“Did you already sneak a tart?” Akko erupted with laughter, collapsing her body into Diana’s. The blonde relished the feeling she missed, of the slight body quaking against her. She brushed hands over her hair and held her closer. “What kind of movie do you want to watch?”<br/><br/>Akko pulled herself out of her fit of laughter and rested her forehead against Diana’s.</p><p>“I’m really in the mood for a happy cry today. Any ideas?” Diana hummed.<br/><br/>“Breakfast at Tiffany’s?”</p><p>“I haven’t seen it. Are there animals?”<br/><br/>“There’s a cat.”<br/><br/>“Perfect.” She brushed a kiss over the tip of the blonde’s nose. “Find it for us? I’m going to eat the tarts.”<br/><br/>“All of them?” Diana asked archly. Akko gave her a guilty look, crumbs falling from her first bite into a raspberry tart.<br/><br/>“I’ll save you a bite, maybe?” </p><p>Her eyes twinkled, and Diana stole a kiss instead.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Here ends EmotionallyConstipated!Diana x CinnamonRoll!Akko. Drop a ko-fi @hedgeesn.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Extra: Mascarpone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Akko sat on the suede couch in Diana’s apartment. Snow was falling outside, but they were cozy and wrapped up in a blanket. Diana had made Akko hot chocolate, the <em> fancy kind </em> with milk according to her brunette girlfriend. They were cuddling and content after a nice dinner alone together. Hannah and Barbara were on a trip out of town, and the girls were trying to make the most of the last few winter holidays together before that would have to get back to the final semester at university. </p><p>Diana’s next semester was going to be absolutely brutal as she finished her premed route. Akko had a slightly easier time in Education, but neither were going to take the semester lightly, especially with the distraction of their semi-new relationship.</p><p>Diana set her mug of tea down on a coaster on the coffee table in front of them. Akko had jokingly claimed offense earlier that the <em> Ms Fancypants household was forcing her to conform to a life of coaster use. </em> Diana dismissed the ramblings, but every time Akko forgot to put her mug or glass on a coaster she would swiftly do it for her when she wasn’t looking. She didn’t want to correct her girlfriend in any way, and she was happy to take care of it, because that was just the order of things.</p><p>Akko’s jaw had dropped on seeing all of the bookshelves for the first time, teasing Diana that this technically made her a <em> “hot librarian girlfriend”. </em> Which followed well, considering the topic Diana wanted to bring up tonight.</p><p>“Akko.” Her girlfriend’s ruby eyes snapped to attention.<br/><br/>“Yes, Diana?”</p><p>“Are you aware of why I brought you to stay over tonight?”<br/><br/>“Because Sucy still won’t let you in my bedroom? She’s being such a <em> dad </em>.” That was true. The former, of course. Diana didn’t trust Sucy enough to test if she was actually joking about that rule or not.</p><p>“A little. But I actually wanted to talk about progressing our relationship.”</p><p>“Like matching wallpapers on our phone? Paired facebook profile photos?” Akko cocked her head. Diana noted those were probably legitimate wants from the brunette.</p><p>“If you so desire. But no, I was talking about sex.”</p><p>It was lucky that Akko had already put her mug down, because she definitely would have dropped it. The girl froze, eyes wide. She put a hand out, as if to push Diana away.<br/><br/>“Wait, hold on, just a second.” Akko screwed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. “Ok, I’m ready. Diana, you are going to kill a girl, suddenly bringing up stuff like that.” <br/><br/>“I have no desire to kill you, and I wasn’t aware that it was particularly sudden. Do you not want to talk about it?” <br/><br/>“Oh no, I definitely, <em> definitely </em> , without a single doubt, want to talk about, uh, that, with you. Wait, I need another second.” <br/><br/>“Do you want to cuddle while we talk about it?” “Diana, I adore you so much, perfect 10 of a girlfriend right now, but no, that might actually be worse if this is going to go the way I’m thinking.” Diana looked at her, bemused. “Sorry! Actually, you start. Just put it out there. I’m ready.” </p><p>Akko nervously fiddled with the blanket between them, ending her rambling. The last week their kissing had definitely been taking a heated turn, but where Akko had kept heating up, Diana’s fire seemed to fade after a certain point. She knew the discussion was going to have to come at some point, but she didn’t think it was going to be happening <em> tonight. </em> But Diana seemed prepared, in the exact way all of their serious talks had been going. Like a class project, she would have rehearsed precisely what she needed to say, with an argument, counter argument, and closing statements. If Akko had an unexpected answer Diana would nod, sit and digest it for a while, and answer when she was ready with a response.</p><p>And Akko had been really appreciating that about her recently. It had cleared up so much between them, and given them time to state their different opinions without any emotional heat. Well, Akko tried at least. But Diana was the perfect temper to her boundless energy and slightly over-the-top nature, rarely phased by Akko’s antics. Their interactions of late had certainly shocked their friends in the level of maturity and mutual respect they brought to the table. Diana was so close to winning over even grumpy Sucy now that she had, in Sucy’s words, <em> begun to act like less of a robot. </em> Akko snapped to attention again from where she was wandering off. Diana was watching her, waiting patiently. The blonde woman cleared her throat.</p><p>“As we are both aware, sex is often a natural progression in relationships.” OK, but Diana could maybe skip over the birds and the bees talk.</p><p>“And while I am not sure I necessarily have the desire for such activities myself…” There it was. Akko held her breath. “I would very much like to see you happy. And if you would like to have sex, I want to do that for you.”</p><p>“Diana, we don’t have to.”<br/><br/>“I never said we did. As I am aware, I can touch you without necessarily receiving.” Akko swallowed audibly. Now there was a thought.</p><p>“I-I see. Yep, we could do that. Another factual statement from Diana.” Akko chuckled nervously.</p><p>“Do you want to?” Akko had so many answers for that, like <em> hypothetically?, right now?, yes, absolutely, without a doubt, RIGHT NOW?, let me check what underwear I have on, oh crap it’s probably the old ripped briefs, wait does Diana even like sexy underwear, </em> which culminated in a cut off garble of a response. <br/><br/>“Yurp.” Akko froze. Not a super sexy move. Diana cocked her head at her girlfriend, trying to translate. Akko waved her hands in deflection, beating her to a response. “Uh, can I finish my hot chocolate first?” Diana nodded graciously and picked up her tea to sip.</p><p>So, totally normal sex conversation down. Defeated. Akko looked into her mug with wide eyes. Amanda would call this move <em> “disaster lesbian” </em> - good thing she wasn’t around to witness this awkwardness. The redhead was shocked that Akko had genuinely landed the blonde weirdo bombshell, but she definitely wasn’t going to be relaying this conversation to her when it came to discussing sexy anecdotes. Akko suddenly reached the end of the mug. <em> And the time is nigh </em>, Akko thought soberly. She was pretty sure that was the kind of phrase to use here, at least.</p><p>She set her mug down, preparing for battle.</p><p>“Akko?” And her confidence all fell apart.</p><p>“Uh, Diana, do you uh…. Do you know what to do?” Akko asked. Diana considered.<br/><br/>“I consulted some videos, as well as Holbrooke, Barbara, and Amanda on the matter.” - <em>wait WHAT.</em> Diana’s therapist, ok, that old lady was cool beans, Barbara, understandable with her addition to Nightfall like Lotte, which was borderline pornography at times, but <em>Amanda?</em> <em>Shit. She’ll never let that go.</em> Akko coughed nervously.</p><p>“Wow, Diana, that is a lot of research. Yup. Good uh, researching.” </p><p>“Akko…” Diana reached out to take Akko’s hand in her own. “If you’re nervous, we don’t have to tonight. This is entirely up to you.”<br/><br/>Which was almost worse, for that matter, because Akko was an <em> utter disaster </em> and should not be left in charge of important relationship building activities like their first time together, in her expert opinion on <em> Akko-ness. </em></p><p>Diana leaned in for a hug, taking Akko into her arms to lean against the couch. She nuzzled into Akko’s neck, breath making her ears tingle.<br/><br/>“Akko, it’s just me.” Directly into her ear. Bullseye. Akko felt that familiar heat flare up like oil on a furnace. Thank the wonderful soul who taught Diana <em> that </em> trick, yup. Akko gained some semblance of composure, or perhaps <em> horny Akko </em> got proficiency bonuses in Speech, because she was sure she nailed the following.</p><p>“Diana, bedroom, please.” Diana smiled against her neck and Akko felt like she <em> won </em> . Because <em> girlfriend </em> , <em> hot </em> , and <em> wants to have sex with you </em> didn’t always come in the same package, but Akko felt like she won the lottery here, among other things. </p><p>Getting to the bedroom was a blur because Akko could hardly focus with Diana kissing her neck, focusing on eliciting those weird squeaks and whines Akko had tried to hide the first heavy makeout session they had. Then she was staring in awe at <em> more bookshelves </em> while she was peeled out of her sweater and jeans, and then Diana was standing in front of her in her own underwear and that was even more distracting.</p><p>Reasonably Akko knew time was passing but she was stuck in every moment as Diana touched her. Her girlfriend would notice when Akko got particularly distracted by something and would wait patiently for the brunette to reorient herself. Hands stroked down her sides, Diana’s hot breath in her ear whispering <em> naughty </em> things, wondering who exactly was teaching her those phrases, and soon Akko was rocking against Diana’s knee, groaning through her first release. </p><p>She came back to reality looking into Diana’s eyes smiling down at her as she panted with flushed cheeks. Diana looked barely worse for wear, and definitely wasn’t done with her. The apparent lack of libido didn’t give Diana an accurate conception of oversensitivity or when to stop, and the devilish things she could do with her fingers brought a second and third, with Akko tapping out and weakly pushing her away as she went for another try. </p><p>Akko let herself be wrapped up in Diana’s arms, catching her breath as a soft sheet was pulled up over them. Out of breath and fragile, she looked up at Diana’s beaming face, one of the brightest smiles she had seen.</p><p>“That was fun. Did I do a satisfactory job?” Akko lightly smacked Diana’s shoulder as she failed to make words come out in a coherent train of thought. <em> Dumb sexy acey girlfriend. </em> Eventually she got her mind and mouth working together again. <br/><br/>“Diana, it’s not even fair to be so good at everything you do. Save some competency for us peasants.”</p><p>“I’ll take that as a yes, then.” Akko grumbled into her shoulder. She peeked up at her lover’s face, squinting to make sure she could catch Diana’s every facial tic.</p><p>“Did you really enjoy that?”<br/><br/>“Of course. I like making you happy. And you seemed <em> very </em> happy.” <br/><br/>“I’m a mess, Diana. Lay off a little next time or I’ll be cry-gasming.” Diana thought the word over for a second. <br/><br/>“Crying while orgasming?” <br/><br/>“Yeah, that.” <br/><br/>“I’m surprised you didn’t. It would be very… <em> on brand. </em>” Akko smacked her shoulder again. She was actually surprised it hadn’t happened, though she had no doubts that it would potentially be a regular occurrence.</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>They settled into each other, falling into the familiar comfort of each other’s arms. Akko perked up. Diana pressed her face into Akko’s hair, mumbling. “I just want to make you happy.” Akko smiled and snuggled in closer.</p><p>“You already do. You’re my favorite fruit tart.” She felt Diana frown into her hair. “No, I’m not explaining that to you. It’s a secret.” Diana let it go quickly. Fruit tarts were Akko’s favorite dessert, so it couldn’t be a bad thing. Akko knew she probably only assumed the obvious connection there, which was totally fine. She needed to have some secrets.Diana made a resolution to pick up some tarts from the bakery the next day, along with a thank-you cake for Barbara’s <em> extremely </em> enlightening advice. Amanda had turned out to be a little helpless under the fire of Diana’s questions, but she could count on Barb and her trusty three-hundred and some odd novels to come in <em> “clutch </em>” as Akko would put it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Extra: Fruit Tart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Akko saw her in Composition and Research, the first class of their freshman year. She was poised, back ramrod straight, her notebook, pen, and text arranged neatly in front of her. The class was smaller, under 40 people, and the chairs with small folding tables attached were arranged in a circle around the room. Akko was already late on the first day and she tucked herself into the seat next to the gorgeous blonde, praising her luck for having the </span>
  <em>
    <span>best</span>
  </em>
  <span> timing. She searched noisily in her bag for a worn notebook of her own, recycled from high school. She didn’t take that many notes, so no need to go out and buy a whole new book. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She couldn’t locate a pen though, even after dumping out her bag on the floor. Candy wrappers fell from her bag, much to the disdain of the dark haired girl next to the blonde. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oops.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She was about to give up and wave down Sucy on the other side of the room and mime for a writing instrument. Sucy sat in the corner with her hood up, eyes deliberately ignoring Akko and staring down at her notebook, doodling. Mushrooms probably. Akko huffed loudly and looked to her right for any takers. She heard a small sound and looked down at her desk. A ballpoint pen was resting on the left side of her desk, neatly parallel to the edge. Like a rule was used to do it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Akko grinned and snatched it up, whispering a thanks to the blonde beside her. She wasn’t even spared a glance, but she must have heard her. They went through class intros and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Diana Cavendish</span>
  </em>
  <span> had a curt introduction, just her name, ignoring the prompts of likes or dislikes. Akko’s intro was bold and made some of the class giggle. Not the girls next to her, but that was no matter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After class ended she turned in her seat to the blonde, holding out her hand to Diana.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey! Thanks for the pen! I’m Akko!” Her volume seemed to cause a little wince. Noted, but that wouldn’t deter her. The blonde disregarded her hand so she pulled it back and handed her the pen. Diana took that, nodded at her, and left, the dark haired Barbara following behind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After that, Akko tried on multiple occasions to engage the blonde. She reintroduced herself a few times due to the blonde’s baffled expression. One day she even went up to her in the canteen and asked if she could join her.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I prefer eating alone.” The blonde had said. Rejected but not beaten, Akko marched back to her table with Amanda, Lotte, and Sucy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ouch, strike out for Akko. Why are you going for the Cavenbitch so hard?” The redhead said between a mouthful of french fries.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Akko slammed her palms on the table, grinning. “You know her?!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah. We went to high school together. Total lost cause.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Akko’s introduced herself half a dozen times and she can’t even remember her name.” Sucy noted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sounds about right. So?”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Isn’t she just great though?” Amanda and Sucy raised her eyebrows. Lotte looked up from her book.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How so? Other than being hot, I guess.”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“That of course. But she’s cool! And also, she is actually nice, thank you very much. She lent me a pen. She picks up people’s trash. Have you seen how she organizes things? And she answers people politely when they have homework questions. She’s never mean in class. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>adore</span>
  </em>
  <span> her.” Akko ran out of breath on her laundry list, but her audience looked wholly unconvinced.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“Right. Well, good luck then. I’m going to actually get a date by talking to women who aren’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>frigid</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Amanda scoffed at her, eyeing a table of girls a few yards from them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Akko watched as Diana’s friends slid into her table. The girl didn’t look up from her textbook, but didn’t tell them off either. Strike one was asking the question too directly then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Akko wasn’t the worst at reading people, but she vowed to get better. There was something “</span>
  <em>
    <span>off</span>
  </em>
  <span>” about Diana, she knew, but it wasn’t something she disliked. She believed in people, and that girl had good in her. She just needed to show her friends that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She grabbed a fruit tart off of her plate. Sometimes the fruit was a little sour, but the cream underneath could turn the tide of tastebuds in their favor. </span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Akko didn’t get the moment to prove herself until Diana landed on her doorstep years later, vulnerable and unsure, shoulders slightly hunched. She just looked like she needed a hug, really. Akko was nice, polite even, and invited her to stay. Something was going on with her, and she needed more than just a good toke session. Akko was sure she could make that happen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Akko knew she had hit the nail on the head when Diana melted into her embrace for the first time. It was like she had come home, and the brunette didn’t want to let her go at all. More like she had finally showed up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sure, communication was a little rough. Akko had gotten used to reading the unspoken words more than the ones verbalized. She admired the girl’s strength and poise, fooling most people into thinking that she was this larger than life academically gifted goddess. The idea that the Diana she had gotten used to seeing, the one that showed up on campus every day was just a projection of what Diana thought was expected of her…</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Diana had cried in her arms, she had silently told Akko with those deep blue eyes that she didn’t think Akko was ugly when she cried. It was a slightly reverent stare she received that first day. When real Diana met real Akko. All the other intros didn’t count, this one did. This was the one. She knew it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <span>Akko believed the whole time. She knew she was probably drawing extra conclusions about their relationship, ones that couldn’t be drawn without discussing it. But the rules weren’t written in the sand between them, and Diana certainly didn’t seem to know them. So Akko let them dance around each other, knowing that the blonde was beginning to care for her. It was in those big blue eyes, no matter what Sucy said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The day Diana rushed to her house unannounced, tackling her with a hug, she knew it was love. There was no other way about it. Diana was so emotionally clumsy, but that action, that need to see Akko, </span>
  <em>
    <span>and Akko loved the feeling of being so needed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it proved it right there. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And OK, maybe it was a little hotter of an experience than she realized. She felt a little guilty nearly getting off while Diana was having a panic attack, but she couldn’t really control the physiological responses she was having while the girl clung so desperately to her. They could talk about that later, (maybe), if they ever did discuss sex. It didn’t seem to be something on Diana’s mind, rather she seemed to crave more the intimacy of cuddling and lingering touches. And that was fine! Because Diana was Diana, and Akko already knew her affection was unconditional.</span>
</p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>It had hurt when Diana vocalized that they were friends, but she didn’t say that they weren’t dating. Amanda and Sucy were so angry, and try as she might, she couldn’t get it across to them that she was just a little hurt, but it was totally fixable. Really, completely fixable. Just needed a good cry first. Besides, did they even listen to that story about Charlie that she told? She didn’t think they really heard it. Akko loathed Diana’s aunt more with each passing story that revealed a little more of Diana’s childhood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Akko didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate</span>
  </em>
  <span> people, but she was sure mad. And one day, when they got married, </span>
  <em>
    <span>OK maybe she was getting a little ahead of herself there, tone it down Akko, </span>
  </em>
  <span>they would be very cautious in inviting Daryl.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t hear from Diana for some time, but six weeks sure beat waiting three years. When Diana showed up on her doorstep once more she allowed Sucy to have her little tantrum because she </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> Diana would really show herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And what a speech! Well, Akko didn’t get a lot of it. She had no idea what unconditional positive regard meant, but it seemed important so she would ask Diana about it later. The woman in front of her seemed so much more collected than she had been in the past few months, but not in the way she remembered seeing the girl before. No, Diana was more </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>present</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Mentally speaking, that is. And she was going to a therapist! That was good, that was cool. It seemed like they talked a bit about Akko herself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Akko resisted the urge to preen a little over that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it all seemed to be working out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And yeah, there was more work to do. And more talking. But she finally got to kiss Diana, to show her how she really wanted her. And Akko knew Diana wanted her back. It was all worth it. No one would think Akko was a patient person, but she really, really was. When she knew something like this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Diana cried at the end of Breakfast At Tiffany’s with her, and her heart swelled to near bursting. The blonde in her arms was right at home, and though nothing was ever really perfect, Akko absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>believed</span>
  </em>
  <span> without a shadow of a doubt that they were the closest thing to perfect together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She cried after Diana stole a kiss from her. Happy tears, of course.</span>
</p>
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